One of the deceptive things about spending all my time at home is that it makes me feel like I’m doing pretty well, health-wise. Let’s face it, I’m not pushing myself each day and letting my body get much needed rest.

However, when I finally get out and try to do something? I’m reminded pretty quickly that I’m not back at 100%. I’m still sick. Things still hurt. And wow am I tired.

Last week was one of those weeks. Actually, sort of the last two weeks. First I had my niece for 3 days during the last part of her spring break. That part wasn’t too bad. I helped her start some cooking skills, and mostly she just watched netflix or played games. However after that? Last week my dad and family came down, partially to take care of some business stuff of my grandma’s, but mostly because sister #3 had scheduled a campus visit. And because I’m attending (or well… whatever), I somehow volunteered myself to do the tour with her.

I surprisingly made it through the hour sale pitch and 90-minute walking tour without much of a problems. Even a few flights of stairs, too. After lunch, though, we popped over to the Anthropology department — my old home — and hung out for a while before listening to one of my colleagues give his non-thesis project defense. During his presentation I started feeling uncomfortable. By the time we get back to my brother’s house, where the rest of the family was staying/hanging out, I was tired. But the nieces were being adorable with their bikes, so I pushed through it.

Dinner is really where it went downhill. The chairs weren’t that comfortable, but I could manage some. Until one of the twins decided she HAD to be with me and sit on my lap for the rest of the evening. She’s only 3-and-half, so she’s not that big at all, but the added pressure on my already tired legs was a bit much. Back at my brother’s house, my little koala-niece wouldn’t let me go home. I had to come inside with her — and let me tell you, toddlers have really strong grips. I made it to the living room, sat down, and cried. It felt like things were tearing. Sadly this is a pain I’m used to.

I did make it home, thankfully. Though I sort of blanked out on the interstate and had to really concentrate to make sure I didn’t miss my exit.* As soon as I was inside, I checked in with my family to let them know I made it, then took pain meds and passed out in bed. I was pretty much out of it and moving slowly for the next couple of days. It’s been a week now since the tour, and my lower back and hips are still feeling pretty sore. Though, some of that is also because my mattress needs flipping. But that’s neither here nor there.

All this time off has sort of been hard in some ways. The rest has been very nice. But it makes me feel like I’m well and and healthy, and… I’m not so much. Which does do a number on your self-esteem. I’m almost 33 and a 10k-step walking day took me out for 2 days. I think part of this is also hard because the weeks before I started getting sick again in January, I was working out 2-3 days a week and feeling great. It’s like something just flipped a switch and suddenly I’ve got this weak, frail body again. Hopefully soon I’ll get some information from my doctor about what our next steps are… I’m ready to get on this path to rebuild.

*If you remember correctly, my car isn’t driveable right now… My brother lent me his winter car. As much as I’m grateful for it, let’s just say it really makes me miss my little car. 

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