Grumpy AF

23 May 2017

So I hinted at this in my last post, but yeah, I’m maybe not adjusting as well as I would have hoped to having roommates.

A few days ago, I thought I’d try maybe writing down any grievances or annoyances I had, hoping that maybe once I named them I could deal with them logically. I could see that these really aren’t big issues and nothing worth causing drama over. However, the list keeps growing and that’s causing concern.

They really are small things. But they’re adding up. Leaving lights on when they leave rooms. Kitchen cabinets left open. Putting virtually clean dishes in the dishwasher. Running out of things like mugs and spoons and the small plates. Leaving (caffeinated*) coffee grounds in the filter basket. Clutter on public spaces like the dining and coffee tables, as well as the kitchen and bathroom counters. I count no less than 6 pairs of shoes in the living room right now.

Any one or even two of those things alone, and I think I could handle it. But it’s all of these things every single day. (And sadly, this is only the 4th day with all three of us here.) There’s also the giant elephant in the room that is my anxiety. My surgery is in one week from today and while I feel like I’m not really emotional about it — I’m 100% on edge and that’s showing up in all of this. It’s manifesting itself as irritability and sadly, my roommates are taking the brunt of it.

I want to be able to take a deep breath and move on, but I found myself this morning slamming cabinet doors shut and aggressively throwing out yesterday’s used coffee grounds. And pulling out a plate from the dish washer that was only used for a cupcake in a wrapper to sit on. Sigh. I really am trying. But thanks to my health, I spend all day every day in this apartment. Now that I’m sharing it with two other people (who are a decade younger and have their own concerns which don’t really line up with mine), it’s been hard.

I know I can’t just hold this in because that list is only going to get longer and longer. I’m hoping to just pick a couple to address with them — the clutter, the dishes, and leaving things on/open — and then hopefully it’ll allow me to be able to properly deal with the other small frustrations without actually having them feel like giant frustrations. It’s essentially spoon theory: I only have so many spoons each day, and if I use them all up on the small things, I can’t use them on the things I really need them for. Fingers crossed this all goes well, because I’m really struggling guys — and it’s a shame because these actually aren’t terrible roommates.

*My body does not handle caffeine well — pretty much only low doses in chocolates or some teas, and I still can’t consume all I want of those. I don’t get headaches or jittery, either. It causes immense ripping pain in my abdomen. It’s sent me to the ER before. So I don’t risk it.

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Currently… (the “apparently I am a curmudgeon and hermit” addition)

20 May 2017

Feeling: Like crap. And tired. I was supposed to get my last (as in, also last ever) Depo shot last week. However, I wasn’t able to work out a ride to the pharmacy for a while, and when I did there were at least 5 people waiting inside and 4 cars lined up at the drive […]

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Saying Goodbye to My Uterus: it’s really happening

11 May 2017

I’ve been looking at this blank screen for hours. And frankly I’ve been trying to figure out how I would write this post for months now. Regardless, in three weeks, I’ll be having a hysterectomy. None of it feels real at the moment. It completely hasn’t sunk it yet. This was kind of a long […]

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Currently…

25 April 2017

Apparently I haven’t done a “currently” post in a long time. Though, as typically, it doesn’t feel like much is going on in my life, but there is a constant flow of many moving parts. *Thanks to Lacey for the realization that bitmoji are available on chrome, and also piquing my curiosity to create myself in […]

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Where resting had tricked me into thinking I’m healthier than I am

19 April 2017

One of the deceptive things about spending all my time at home is that it makes me feel like I’m doing pretty well, health-wise. Let’s face it, I’m not pushing myself each day and letting my body get much needed rest. However, when I finally get out and try to do something? I’m reminded pretty […]

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For the eaters: Cajun chicken with a one-pot fettuccini alfredo

29 March 2017

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been finding joy (or I guess maybe stability and comfort) in cooking lately. Because it feels like the only exciting thing going on in my life right now, it’s sort of flooded my instagram feed. I never really expected it to become a foodstagram account, but at this point I’m ok […]

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How I realized my obsessive computer habits were turning me into a monster

27 March 2017

I didn’t really realize it before, but I had some pretty obsessive tendencies when it came to my laptop and its setup. In my life, I’m a complete neat freak or anything, but things have their places and that’s sort of where they belong. And as I sort of relaxed a little on that, apparently […]

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