Steps to self-care

17 October 2016

If you’ve been following along, you’ll understand when I say the beginning of this semester has been a real struggle. This is definitely not how I imagined it: a hostile work environment, being sick so often, falling behind… It’s been rough. If I just sat back and continued on this way, well, my grad school career and job would be precariously challenged.

My first step to recovery: counseling. I started immediately after the incident. I was having panic attacks daily — couldn’t really get on campus without them. With help of a professor, I got set up at the counseling center on campus, and have been seeing a psychologist every other week. Through that, we’ve been able to help me get to a good place regarding the incident. However, since I get 12 (I think) free sessions, we’re going to make use of them. My counselor is noticing some recurring trend, ones she’s not even really having to pull out of me, and so we’re going to work on them. Issues of control, confidence, and acceptance. I know it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable to deal with, but it’s also something I need to work on.

I’m thinking about talking to her about maybe getting on a low-dose anti-anxiety medication. Nothing long term, just something to help out for now. My body is feeling more stress than my mind is recognizing. And while it’s important to deal with the underlying causes of the problem… right now this stress is just wrecking my health. So I wouldn’t mind something that can help maybe balance me out just to get myself back on my feet. We’ll see what she recommends.

The second big thing I’ve been doing is trying to get in with medical specialists. Hopefully soon I will have some super basic insurance (yay! finally for the first time in 3 years). Once that’s in place I can use my referrals for an endometriosis specialist and also a GI specialist. One of the fun things with the endo and the stress is that I think I’m developing IBS symptoms. So I’ve got to see someone in GI to make sure it’s not something else. Once I’m in with the doctors we can start working on plans. I’m really over dealing with endometriosis and so I’m looking into big steps.

Lastly, I’m taking me time. Or at least, I’m working on my schedule to just make sure I’m giving my body enough time to recuperate. I’ve been pushing so hard to try to keep up with everything. Essentially it’s just a cycle of stress and illness and my body is just worn out. Emotionally and mentally I’m exhausted, t0o. I’ve reached out to my boss, and stepped back from my 5-day, 20-hour schedule. Starting now I’m at 3 days a week, with only 12 hours. Sucks financially, but hopefully it’ll give me the rest I need. Eventually I’ll step it up to 15 hours. Looking at my schedule for next semester, 15 hours is about all I could get anyway.

It feels good to have a plan of action for all of this. I’m ready to get this off my plate and just focus on my academics. I’m part way there. Mostly I need to just not feel sick more days than not. Hopefully soon that’ll be my reality.

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So I have bronchitis.

12 October 2016

I have been on and off sick for a month. Mostly it’s been a flu then my endometriosis flares up. And now? Well. Now I apparently have bronchitis. At least it’s not pneumonia, right? I had just been to the doctor the day before I got sick, spotted nothing (granted, I was there for endo-related […]

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That time I started a Bullet Journal…

3 October 2016

I have kept journals and diaries since I was in elementary school. I actually still have most of them, though, it is possible that maybe a couple of the super early ones have gone missing. (And I know a few definitely have pages ripped out or large sections blacked out with a thick sharpie.) The […]

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Facing my sibling envy

26 September 2016

Two weeks ago (ish) one of my younger sisters sent us the message that she and her husband were expecting their first child. I completely hate admitting it, but my first reaction wasn’t joy. My heart sank a little. I was jealous. I’m one of 6 children. My brother and I are from my dad’s […]

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Crushworthy: Things I’m loving #2

21 September 2016

Time for another round of Things I’m Loving! 1. Face masks. I tried a paper one a few weeks ago, and it felt like it was burning my face off. Thankfully I didn’t completely give up, and just switched brands! I’ve tried a couple mud masks since then and am loving them. I even just […]

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On being an indecisive eater

19 September 2016

I have never liked being called a picky eater. Picky eaters don’t like most foods. Picky eaters aren’t open to new things. Picky eaters are high maintenance. I love exploring foods. Ask me what my favorite foods are and I’ll likely say “all of them.” There’s not many foods I won’t eat — or at […]

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9 things I’ve learned about harassment

9 September 2016

First, an update on me: The anxiety caused by this whole ordeal is still really strong. I still do not feel safe around this individual, and that has extended from the classroom to the department to the campus to the greater city area. Now, I am getting that part under control a bit. I am […]

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