Currently…

25 April 2017

Apparently I haven’t done a “currently” post in a long time. Though, as typically, it doesn’t feel like much is going on in my life, but there is a constant flow of many moving parts.

*Thanks to Lacey for the realization that bitmoji are available on chrome, and also piquing my curiosity to create myself in an adorable cartoon emoji.

Feeling: Tired. Sore. My depression is something I’ve had to actively deal with more so than normal recently. I kind of miss seeing my therapist, as I think she’d be able to help me focus on some actions plans to keep me focused… but since my counseling was through the university, I can’t use the service since I withdrew from the semester. I have no idea if my state insurance covers mental health, it’s something I should definitely check into.

Watching: A LOT. With all this free time I’ve had on my hands, combined with the fact that I’ve kind of felt like crap since mid-January, I’ve watched a lot of shows. I’ve gone through almost every single episode of Top Chef (which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend watching foods shows when you have to fast for medical testing). I’ve caught up on Survivor, and I think Amazing Race. Did a few Gordon Ramsey things. Finished off Lucifer. Started in on Outback Truckers and Escape to the Countryside… Just last night I started The Librarians. It’s a really dumb show. Sort of like it’s trying to be a mix of Doctor Who, Buffy, and Warehouse 13. Sometimes you just need a dumb show.

Playing: Maybe too much Sims 4. I got it when it was half off. I have no idea how many hours I’ve put in, but I’m on my third household and I’ve got an excess of $250K, upgraded pretty much every single thing, and have done I have no idea how many aspirations. Basically I could care less about the relationships, I just want to build houses.

Listening To: a few podcasts. It’s mostly during my shower, but I’ve been trying to make time in the day to just sit and listen. Right now it’s basically Code Switch and See Something Say Something. I check in with Hidden Brain, Lore, and The Sporkful every so often. I also started S-Town. It’s great, but with only a handful of episodes, I’m taking my time with it. Also, I still find it hard to commit to any podcast that’s longer than half an hour… Maybe when I can get myself back into a workout routine, I’ll use the podcasts as a timer or something. This way I can knock out some of those longer podcasts, while also trying to get my body back on track with the healing and wellness thing.

Reading: The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing. It was assigned for my theory class, and though I’m no longer in any classes right now, I’ve been eying this book for a while. It’s a book on interdependency, precarity, and capitalism — so not necessarily light reading. But it is really fascinating and I’m enjoying it. I was hoping with all this free time I’d be reading more, especially keeping up with my literary review for my thesis… but… that hasn’t been the case. (As you can see from the “watching” section.) I think after all the academic reading from the past year, I’ve just needed a break. Hopefully soon I’ll get back into the habit.

Working on: finishing my Life Journal project. I’ve been working on this for over a month, trying to create a bullet journal planner system that really fits my needs… and then I decided to share it online. I don’t expect it to be anything big, but I am proud of it and excited to use it.

Thinking about: how I’m going to make ends meet this summer. I know it’s a faux pas to talk about money, but yeah, I’m in (another) tight spot. It’s part of the reason I put my journal project online. Thankfully my state insurance is covering my healthcare costs… and I’ll have roommates for about a month this summer. However, I’ve got car repairs to deal with on top of just my normal costs of living. But that’s just something that might have to wait until I’m back on my feet again. The medical stuff is moving forward, so I can hopefully get a job soon after that. Just, well, something within walking distance for now. But if I’m being 100% honest, I’m not sure how I’m going to make it this time.

Craving: Peace.

Looking forward to: getting all this medical stuff taken care of! It’s been a little frustrating feel like I’m not getting clear communication from my doctor.. but thankfully his nursing staff is great and patient with me. We did some testing and whatnot early in the month to rule out some GI issues — hence the fasting. Thankfully I do not have to do that all again for another 10 years. Next week, I speak with a surgeon for an evaluation and consult. After that… well, hopefully the surgery. It’s slowly (and sometimes not so slowly) sinking in what all of this means for me… but, I’m just ready to not feel sick or in pain any more.

Making me happy: experimenting with recipes and my internet friends. It’s still odd to me that in 2017, some people (ie. my family) don’t understand that internet friends are real friends. I mean, I’ve never necessarily been good at the close friendship thing, but I’d like to think I have a number of friends. People I can talk to about life, joke around with, and just in general enjoy spending time with — even if it’s all done in pixels. And of course all the cooking… I haven’t found a food community yet, but I am just having fun posting on instagram. Oh, and also eating all the foods.

So. What’s been going on with you guys?

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Where resting had tricked me into thinking I’m healthier than I am

19 April 2017

One of the deceptive things about spending all my time at home is that it makes me feel like I’m doing pretty well, health-wise. Let’s face it, I’m not pushing myself each day and letting my body get much needed rest. However, when I finally get out and try to do something? I’m reminded pretty […]

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For the eaters: Cajun chicken with a one-pot fettuccini alfredo

29 March 2017

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been finding joy (or I guess maybe stability and comfort) in cooking lately. Because it feels like the only exciting thing going on in my life right now, it’s sort of flooded my instagram feed. I never really expected it to become a foodstagram account, but at this point I’m ok […]

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How I realized my obsessive computer habits were turning me into a monster

27 March 2017

I didn’t really realize it before, but I had some pretty obsessive tendencies when it came to my laptop and its setup. In my life, I’m a complete neat freak or anything, but things have their places and that’s sort of where they belong. And as I sort of relaxed a little on that, apparently […]

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Cooking my way through depression

23 March 2017

With everything that’s been going on — leaving school, not working, car broken down, health problems — it’s not really surprising that I’m not doing well mentally or emotionally. There’s a lot going on, and most of it hasn’t been great. I’m not unfamiliar with depression, though. Nor anxiety. Actually, one thing that sort of has been […]

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And then things came tumbling down

21 March 2017

I remember the sense of pride that came with grad school. The warm and electrifying confidence that came when theories began to make sense, or two theories clicked with each other, or with a method. I remember that kind of selfish, and not so humble feeling of “oh man, I am smart” when you’re able to […]

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Sort-of updates, thoughts, and things I’m loving

1 March 2017

I’ve had a hard time posting lately. While there hasn’t necessarily been a lot going on each day for me lately, there have been some major changes in my life. Also, there are upcoming events which have the potential to lead to further major life changes. These last few weeks have been really hard, while […]

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