Reminiscing

I don’t know if it’s the beginning of the month, the Black Moon, my roommate moving out… or a whole host of other things… But I have definitely been in my head a lot this past week with quite a bit on my mind.

One thing that has been nice is setting up the apartment going back to solo living. I’ve almost forgotten just how much space I have in this apartment. So much that I’ve been tempted to sprawl out on the floor. It’s also been nice to pull things from storage and prep things for another round of purging. (Or at the very least, moving them from my room to the now empty closet in the other.)

But as I look around my home… I still find myself longing… remembering things from earlier this summer. My short-lived stay in England. I found a kind of peace there. Even amongst having almost no personal space in my family’s home. For the first time in a while, I found a piece of myself I didn’t know was missing. This sense of comfort and contentment.

I don’t know if I could put my finger on it exactly — what it was about England and English life that just felt so right. The fact that you could kind of walk through any field you want. Or that they don’t really mow wild grasses at all. The lack of exorbitantly large homes with pristine, untouched yards — or equally excessively sized vehicles. It could have been the food. Or the access to good tea pretty much everywhere. A sense of nationalism, or maybe just pride, that didn’t feel toxic. Even the traffic rules were better there.

Oxford England

I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring some of that sense of England to my daily life here in the states. As of right now, tea and biscuits aren’t quite cutting it. I wonder if maybe it was more a sense of freedom — freedom away from bills, my thesis, my roommate. Just a massive change from everything I had been surrounded by for so long. Maybe that is what I needed more than anything.

I’m here til the end of January. I only have a couple of months to finish and defend my thesis if I plan on graduating in December. I still have no clue what comes next. Where I’ll end up. Maybe if I’m lucky, it’ll be a big enough change to give me a new sense of contentment.

Quick Updates

I’m back from England! It was a great trip, and I cannot wait to tell you more about it — especially to give context to all of the pictures and videos I’ve posted on Instagram.

Some really quick things that are going on, or have happened…

I’m employed! I have very gladly accepted a position with StreamerSquare as their Communications and Operations Coordinator. The past few weeks with them has been great, and I am ready to fully dive deep once we finish GuardianCon. We have four amazing shows, our discord, patreon, and youtube… and a wealth of knowledge for anyone who is interested in live streaming — either as a hobby or professionally.

One year older! Officially 35! Still kind of surreal, but at the same time enjoying it as always. Birthdays are still a weird thing, and I’ve stopped expecting them to go anywhere near a plan or anything. But I think giving up on this idea of having a “good” birthday is too defeatist and not something I’m going to be doing any time soon yet.

Balance is something I’ve been actively working through. I have no idea what this will look like for me, but I know it’s something I need. There was something in England, small moments, where I felt more like myself than I have in ages. And I didn’t even realize I was missing anything, that I was missing myself. But I’m working on figuring all of that out.

I’m not working on turning anything into a side hustle, but I am looking for a second job (or potentially another twitch client). With my roommate moving out this month, I’ll have the full rent and full utilities to pay myself — on top of my car payment and insurance. So the need for balance will be especially important as I work and also try to make the time to finish my thesis and thus my Master’s degree in the next couple months.

Since I’ve been gone fore basically most of June… What’s new with you? What’s going on? How are you doing? Let me know! Let’s catch up!

June Goals

Looking back at May, I keep struggling to even figured out what happened this last month. Having a break from grad school work turned into a fierce struggle to find an apartment for July. And then dealing with health… Anyway.

May

  • Take donations to the women’s shelter & goodwill. Nope. lol I’ve mainly been collecting more things to donate, even from my mom as well. Come July, we’ll have a nice pile of stuff to bring over.
  • Establish thesis hours. Also no. I did not touch my thesis at all this month.
  • Apply to jobs. Lots of jobs. Kind of yes? I applied to a handful of jobs. And found A LOT.

June

  • Not go broke. Yep. That’s pretty much my main focus. I have one potential job lined up.. and just waiting to get that all confirmed. Applying to more jobs, but with being gone for pretty much all of June, it’ll be pretty tight.
  • Enjoy England. I’m looking forward to a few weeks with my family, and just relaxing and taking in a new place.
  • Not be too awkward about my birthday. Birthdays have been weird for me. Not because I don’t like them — I do, I just… haven’t had good luck at having birthday parties or gatherings or anything… So I try not to get my hopes up about them. But birthday in England? I’m ok with that.

How did your May turn out? What are you looking forward to in June?