Grab life by the … (thoughts on crushes)

25 September 2008

Recently, Mennogirl shared about some of her frustrations with crushes

This has sort of been a topic amongst the group for a bit, and well, my gorgeous friend Chrissy and I discuss the male species quite often.  I will say, we don’t necessarily harp on the issue of singleness.  Generally it’s about being simultaneously excited, pessimistic, and confused because of our various interests in whom we’re attracted to at the time.

It’s been commented that I’m pretty ballsy when it comes to approaching men.  (I’d like to think that if I ever did find a woman I was ever attracted to enough to want to date, I’d do the same.*)  I’m not opposed to directly telling someone if I’m interested.  Granted, I don’t always do that.  And I’m going to attempt to not discuss my current situation and interest (but I can just tell you, I think he’s pretty awesome… and hot)…

My brother likes to sort of live by the motto “Go big or go home”, you only have one life… Basically just grow a pair and do it.  (This is becoming a very testes-fill entry… hmm..)  Don’t back down.  No regrets. … Yeah.  On most occasions, I feel that if I like a person, I should just be upfront.  Yet, I’m finding that if I’m vocal in my interest… well, it hasn’t worked all that well.

Generally, I wait until I feel decently confident that the person should have gotten the hint that I’m interested without me necessarily stating so.  My last boyfriend (Sean, 2003-2005), once admitted that I was pretty aggressive.  He got the hint that I was interested.  Before we were dating… I ran into his dorm room and threw a smallish squeaky albatross at him, then scampered out of the room giggling.  Ah youth.

Anyway.  Crushes.  Bah.  Mennogirl’s discussion between her Pink fluffy brain and the voice of doubt/reason pretty much captures it.  It’s hard not getting caught up in a crush.  Social networking platforms don’t help — I’m looking at you fb/stalkernet.  For added reference, see this adventure from Fledg.  I mean, no one really wants to be the obsessed stalker chick.

I think this is sort of the underlying push for my directness.  I know my imagination oh too well.  I don’t necessarily trust it to govern itself when it comes to my infatuations.  (Again, let me refer you to the above mentioned post from Fledg.)  So, rather than letting my mind create and live out this relationship that isn’t there, I’d rather just find out if the other person is even interested and then go from there.  And well, that’s led to rejection and a slight deterring of new friendships.  But I’d rather just find out, why wait?  Granted, again, it’s different with each person I’m interested in.  There are times when I wonder if I am doing this more for myself than for the hopes of gaining a relationship.  Weed out the ones that probably wouldn’t develop into anything — and for the ones that I probably am more truly interested in, I’m a bit more inclined to just let things happen… let them develop on their own… (Some of this also comes from my hopeless romantic nature in that I kind of like it when the other person expresses interest…)

But I just put myself out there, then move on when the interests isn’t reciprocated.  On occasion, this has led to awkwardness.  Times when the other person feels that I’m still interested in them, when honestly, I’ve forgotten about it and am just interested in friendship.

Really, nothings come much from this — talking about it, self-examining it.  I’m still fairly direct, even if not verbally, when it comes to my interests in another person… I’m still currently single, however currently pretty attracted to someone (according to a third party, I “fallen” for them), yet well, I’ve still got no clue whether this person might even be remotely interested in pursuing a relationship with me.  I don’t even think I want much right now, just someone to spend time with, someone I enjoy, am attracted to, enjoy kissing, and well, that things could be exclusive… It’s basically friends with benefits that’s monogamous.  I mean, I pretty much want whomever I’m in a relationship to be someone I’m close friends with that I happen to make out with… (So much for not discussing my current situation.)

Anyway.  Crushes will probably always been frustrating.  I’m not sure if much can be done to change that.  I can’t really offer much advice to Mennogirl.  Either she will finally and somewhat directly (it doesn’t have to be verbally) express her interest to this guy, he may wise up and do the same, or they’ll just continue like this with Mennogirl probably giving up out of frustration or a lack of interest.  Best of luck dear, I am rooting for you.

*I do consider myself to be of the heterosexual persuasion.  However, if I ever were to find some amazing woman that completely blew me away, I wouldn’t deny myself the opportunity to be with her.  I just tend to not to be attracted to women, more so, I have yet to discover myself being sexually attracted to a woman.  Anyway.  That’s that.

  • Thanks for the good wishes! It is always nice to know that one is not alone in the craziness that is a crush 🙂

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