I got to hang out with Mennogirl a little but this weekend. It was nice to get a small chance to chat for a bit.
One of the things we talked about is the emotional toll injuries can take on us. And yes, this is indeed in reference to the slight depression I’ve been in since the fall. The continuous pain has taken an effect on me that I wasn’t quite expecting.
I find myself torn between wanting to be social and wanting to just hide under my covers until it goes away. I think I’m over the enbarrassment, but I don’t like being in pain and similarly, I guess I don’t like feeling weak and helpless. Yet, all I want is for someone to be there for me, for someone to hold me and comfort me and make me feel like maybe things aren’t so bad. But I don’t have that type of person in my life right now. It’s just me, and some pretty awesome friends and my family.
And it’s when you already feel like crap that your mind likes to remind you of the things you want but can’t have — to rub salt in it and make you feel like it just might be your own fault for these things, that maybe you’re not good enough. Then with these emotional blinders on, you only seem to be noticing the negative things happening in your life….. when really, you’re just an injured young woman who just wants a little bit of attention… a little compassion…
So, this little gimpy girl is trying to do her best. It sucks when other not-so-great things are happening all at once… But I’m getting through it. Somethings are just out of my control, and while that sucks — I just need to trust something greater, and know that things will work out.