determining the sound of settling

Sound of Settling – Death Cab for Cutie

Over the past few.. years.. of being single, I’ve come to notice that this truly has been a choice.  In our self-pitying moments of “why am I single” doom and woe, we make ourselves believe that our singleness is completely out of our hands and try as we may, there’s nothing we can do about it.  But how much truth is really in that?

It’s been 4 years since Sean and I ended our two-year on-again-off-again relationship.  And in that time since then, I could have had a relationship if I truly wanted one.  For all of us single but looking people, I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit.  A lot of times it may feel that all we want is a relationship, but that’s not it.  Yeah, we do want to be in a relationship — or as I put it, I’m not opposed to it — but we’re not so desperate for the relationship itself that we jump on the first person who shows interest.  I’ve definitely had guys interested in me.  Nice guys too.  But it wasn’t what I was looking for in terms of someone I would date, as opposed to someone I just want to hang out with as friends, or on some occasions, someone I just want in my bed…  I’m not settling on someone just because I want the attention, physical or emotional — or because I want to be in a relationship.

However, is it settling if you can’t see anything long term with that person?  I know for some people, dating is means to an end — finding that one person you want to spend your life with… and if you already know that you can’t see them being the person you want to share your life with, then those people generally suggest it’s time to end it.  But, right now at least, I’m not seeking a spouse.  Honestly, a lot of times I’m not sure what I’m seeking…  This past weekend I went on a date with someone new, and in my fortune cookie it said “You will get what you want with your charming personality…” Both my date and I sort of looked at this and giggled some, mostly because my Chinese Zodiac sign is a Rat, who are known for charming personalities… But mainly, it made me wonder… what is it that I want? My date may have wanted to assume it was him — which he is a great guy and I’ve already had a second date with him since then.  I’m just not sure if there will be anything long term with him.

So, do I think I’m settling?  No.  I don’t think I should be concerned with any issues of longevity just yet — it’s only been two dates.  All that really matters is that I’m having fun when I’m with him.  And at this point I’m just going to take it from there.