Single female seeking… (or: how to earn bonus points)

23 June 2009

We all have our little lists of ideals and must haves for our potential mates… No sense in hiding it — admit it, you have at least 3 things you’re looking for in a partner.  For some people the list is completely make or break.  Others treat it more like guidelines.

I’m not about to get into what I am or not looking for at the moment.  Whenever I start to think “this is the type of guy I want”, someone comes around and surprises me.  Obviously, well, I’m still single at the moment, but still those surprises are nice.  Whether it’s a crazy former college rugby player, or a writer boy, or a drummer-gymnast-science teacher…

Anyway… I thought it’d be fun to look at some qualities that I’m interested in or would like, but aren’t necessarily seeking out…  A list of bonus points, if you will…  So for all you out there who are interested in me, don’t let this list deter you from seeking me out… You can still ask me out regardless of not having any the following characteristics.  Remember: I’m not actually looking for any of these things, but they can earn you some bonus points… Also, this is not a complete or definitive list of bonus points.  Surprise me.

  • Owning a dog or puppy
  • Letting me fuss over and play with said dog or puppy
  • Looking good with some scruff
  • Conditioning your beard, if you have one
  • Give good back rubs/massages
  • Being willing to give back rubs and massages… often…
  • Being willing to give hand and foot massage as well…
  • Willingness to come over on a whim just to cuddle
  • Occasionally pop in to work to say hey and grab some lunch (picnic at the lakefill maybe?)
  • Know the difference between a tastefully cute stuffed animal and something you only give a 5-year-old…
  • Willingness to sit and stare at animals all day (*cough*Iveneverbeentothebrookfieldzoo*cough*)
  • Know how to actually play with hair (and give head massages) … maybe if you ask nicely, Mennogirl will show you what I mean…
  • Enjoys running around a park in the rain every now and again…
  • being a musician/singer.. but not one that would critique or bash my own musical/singing ability (or lack thereof)

If you’d like to know about some of the other qualities I’m really looking for, you can just ask — or read around, I’m sure I’ve mentioned things somewhere…  What I’m more interested in… What are some things on your list?

Edit: I didn’t think about this before. Shame on me.  If you want to see the flipside to this, a list of my deal breakers… just check out this post from a few months ago: deal breakers (or: you’re hot, but what the f- is wrong with you?!)

  • Dani

    You know mine! Skinny skinny skinny – so cavewoman Dani can pick ’em up and carry ’em around. I clearly have issues. And I do like me some poets, but I can rock it out with a prose writer too. And pro-cat is a plus, I guess.

    • Skinny lanky guys are fun.

      Pro-cat, or not deathly allergic to them, is sort of a necessity for me. I’m not getting rid of my kittens for anyone.

  • Nice list.

    I don’t know if I have much of a “list,” as I tend to fall for very different guys. But smoking pot to me is a dealbreaker – ’tis true (though it’s not with friendships, just with potential mates). And I won’t date a guy who is near to my height. I am 5’1″, and at least 5’7″ or taller.

    Hm, this is making me think too hard, so I can’t come up with anything! Ha.

  • The list I went by:

    – Have to be a musician, but not as a career
    – Shorter than I am, which is 5’8
    – Has to like dogs and cats, moreso small dogs than large ones, because I don’t like cleaning up large poop
    – Cute over Sexy
    – Fun
    – Reads. Like for fun and entertainment and stuff. Not just road signs.
    – Could deal without television (Epic failure on this one)
    – Music Collection cannot include ANY of the following: Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Jack Johnson, anything considered Pop other than Michael Jackson, Boy Bands, and Sublime (sorry – can’t stand them)
    – Must be able to tolerate Metal including but not limited to Judas Priest, Slayer, Dark Moor, Stratovarius, cKy, Skeleton Key, Dragonforce, and Arjen A. Lucassen’s Star One.
    – Must get my sense of humor
    – Must be patient with my being bipolar – which takes a surprisingly lot of patience.

    Stringent list, I know – refined over the years. I’m lucky I found someone, although she did not tolerate Metal when we met, by our wedding we had Iced Earth on the playlist for the reception. Muahahaha.

    Holy shit long comment. I win.!$%^@#

  • I try not to have a full “list,” for guys, but mainly I want a guy with a nice smile and who treats me right, oh and someone who doesn’t break the law.

    • Wow Oats… I’d definitely fail every bit of your music qualifications, well, besides being able to tolerate metal. I can dig metal from time to time.

      And yeah, this isn’t an actual list of criteria I was going for. Just little things I tend to appreciate and add that extra something to the attraction.

      I’ve got a list of my deal breakers, I’ll add the link to this post tomorrow. Overall I’d say I want someone to be my friend, can tolerate my bits of neediness with grace, doesn’t bash my taste in music, doesn’t feel the need to win ever argument, and can go from being goofy to having a serious conversation (ie, not one pole or another)… Those would be the basics. Not bashing my religion, being intolerant of others (either by gender, race, sexual preference, or religion)… those are biggies too.

      • Oh yeah. Adding to my list: Bonus points for riding a motorcycle and/or dirtbike. SERIOUSLY.

        I’ll take b-cycle riders too. 🙂 I love watching the guys bike around here, with their pant leg rolled up showin’ off their calf muscles. HOT. That deserves a whole post of its own!

  • See, giving massages would actually be a “break” for me because I cannot STAND massages! They make me jump and scream and want to hurt whoever is touching me.

    • I don’t know if I could get enough massages! Doesn’t even need to be deep tissue or anything… a gentle head massage, playing with the hair… yeah. That’s good. 🙂

      My former roommate started massage therapy school after I moved out. Poor timing on my part.

  • I think, like another girl’s blog that I read, you guys could certainly back off a little on the posts that make men feel totally inadequate… 😛

    I know it’s not intended as such, but still, even the few things on that list that most men can probably fulfil, they’ll probably think they can’t do it well enough to please you!

    As for my list…

    It’s pretty short: short (bonus points, not a requisite), pert (bonus points, almost requisite) and intelligent enough to keep up with me so that I don’t get BORED. Alternatively, instead of vast cranial capacity, must share lots and lots of interests!

    • Sebby, inadequate…. HA! 😉

      I *did* throw in that bit that these things really don’t matter and that I keep getting surprised by various guys…
      Regardless of lists, I just want a guy I can really connect with, feel comfortable with, and just have fun. 🙂

  • I think being comfortable and having fun with someone is key to any relationship, be it serious or just friendship. If you can be comfortable, have mutual respect for one another and still have a good time, then that usually exceeds all other criteria.

    We all have our deal breakers… and sometimes those are necessary.

    As for my list, back in grad school my friend Cheryl and I decided after 8 cups of coffee to type up dating resumes. They listed experience, expertise, ideal criteria etc. which is where most of mine comes from. They were pretty ridiculous. I think she made hers a little too stringent as she hasn’t dated anyone since and that was 4 years ago… But anyway.

    Fun is the most important. Along with comfortability and mutual respect. I totally forgot all that jazz on mine. But really I’m after the same thing – someone to make me laugh, not judge what I’m doing and that I have a strong connection with.

    I think in regards to meeting people, that it is totally random. Everything is about where you are and when and who you meet at that exact moment. You never know. Which is frustrating and awesome at the same time.


    • I’ve actually been single for 4 years as well… I’ve gone on dates and met a good number of people, but a relationship just hasn’t formed.

      I think in essence, we’re all looking for the same thing. I mean, yeah, there are those who are only looking for something surface level, only looking for the next lay… but I think most of us really want that same connection and companionship.

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