I'm not very good at this…

16 July 2009

For as much as I talk about crushes, and dating, and this “lovey dovey” stuff as Nico put it…  I don’t feel that I’m that good at any of this.

This whole “going on dates” thing is fairly new to me still.  It’s something that started happening after I moved to the city.  I’d been used to the school yard “Will you go out with me” simplicity. (ha! sorry, it was a pain in the ass back then too…)  But with dating… it’s weird.  I mean.  Where the hell is this going?  And I don’t want to be the one to ask that, but I mean, you sort of have to, right?  When do you go from “going on dates” to “this is my boyfriend”?  There’s no clear answer… and really, that blows.  (Or Awesome Face‘s response would be “BALLS.”)

I like this guy.  And this whole uncertainty of what’s going on has occasionally made my synapses explode.  I don’t want to rush things.  And I don’t want to sound… ungrateful?  I mean, I’m seriously enjoying this.  I don’t want to stop seeing him any time soon.  So, I mean, yeah.  That’s sort of why I wish there was something more defined.  I don’t even know how to introduce him.  We’ve gone on two dates and talked quite a bit — does this mean I can say we’re “seeing each other”?

I know.  BREATHE.  I don’t want to come off as the crazy chick.  But guys, I really like him.  And I guess there’s always that slight fear that if he’s not mine, that he might still find someone else…  Why is laying one’s claim so important?  I hate feeling this way.  (Make it go away.)  …. Because I do trust him — as much as one can after two dates and a month and half of talking.  And other than my own mental stupidity, things are going well.  This confusions only a small part of everything.  We’re taking things a day at a time and I’m enjoying every bit of it.  It’s hard not to get all gushy and annoyingly cutesy when I think about him.  I am trying though. He’s just a lot of fun to be with, someone I enjoy talking to, look forward to spending time with… and yeah, he’s freaking hot.

So just bare with me as much as you can.

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