at a standstill, with myself.

10 August 2009

As much as don’t want to take away from Rachel’s guest post… I was going through my reader, and noticed this post from my friend Mawls.

“I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do.”

That’s sort of how I feel right now.  I mean, I’m not necessarily stressed about life.  I’m just not sure what the next step is.

I’ve got a few leads on jobs… but nothing definite.

I’m still meeting people… but nothing’s really got my heart racing.

That last part, the relationship part, has been on my mind lately.  I talked to the boy recently. The first time since his concert.  I initiated it.  I sent him a text message.  Just asking about his other band’s first show.  We talked for a little bit the next day online.  It was like how we always talked.

I might get some flack for this… but I want another chance with him.  Yeah.  What he did hurt me, and I didn’t deserve it.  But it’s easy for me to want to forgive that.  Everything else about hanging out with him was awesome.  I was really happy.  … I want that back.

So.  Well.  It’s not really up to me, though is it?  … and that sucks…

I don’t really know what to do though…  I don’t know if he’s still with his ex, or if it was short lived… Or if he’d even be interested in seeing me again…

I still get butterflies when I think about him.  It’s still hard to stop smiling.  This hasn’t happened in a long time.  Especially not so quickly — we talked for almost two months, went on three dates (three really fun dates)… I mean, don’t get me wrong, yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic, but this isn’t like that.  I was really happy with him.  I don’t just want to let that slip away…

So.  What do I do?

part of me really wish he’d read this, but I know the chances of that are low… and I feel awkward sending him a link rather than just writing him an email… *sigh*
I’ll get into the job thing later…

  • CMigs

    my advice (you’re asking for advice, right?) is to find something else to focus on, besides the boy. you’re creative, so you probably have plenty of projects going on. I think you’ll get more of a return from those than from this guy.

  • I can’t tell you what you’re supposed to do, but I can say what I would do. I’d get together with my best friends for a night of fun. I’d drink wine and share laughs. I’d look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I deserve better. Hell I’d even put a post-it note with that on it near the mirror. I know it’s hard. It’s human nature to want to fix things and pursue the challenge/chase, but if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

    Hugs.

  • Ooof- that’s tough. I wish I had some awesome advice for you, but I don’t… So, hugs, instead?

  • That is tough. My advice would be to let things happen naturally, organically. If you’re going to see him at shows, talk to him and just go from there. Obviously I’m not the one to really ask hence I don’ tknow what I’m supposed to do. It’s like that Bjork song: It’s not up to you. Sucks to hear, but I kinda believe it. But that might also just be me 😉

    • Thank you. All of you..

      Sorry I’ve been away and hadn’t had time to respond… but as the next post goes into, it’s hard when there was so much hope there… And that it’s just yet another rejection… And that hurts.

  • I’m reading this late – sorry! – but I don’t know if there’s much you can do. What’s meant to happen will happen, and if he’s still interested or wants something between you two, he’ll figure out a way to make that happen.

    Hell, I’m reading old posts before newer ones so maybe something already has happened one way or another. If so, ignore this… Ha.

    • haha… No worries MinD!!

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