at a standstill, with myself.

10 August 2009

As much as don’t want to take away from Rachel’s guest post… I was going through my reader, and noticed this post from my friend Mawls.

“I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do.”

That’s sort of how I feel right now.  I mean, I’m not necessarily stressed about life.  I’m just not sure what the next step is.

I’ve got a few leads on jobs… but nothing definite.

I’m still meeting people… but nothing’s really got my heart racing.

That last part, the relationship part, has been on my mind lately.  I talked to the boy recently. The first time since his concert.  I initiated it.  I sent him a text message.  Just asking about his other band’s first show.  We talked for a little bit the next day online.  It was like how we always talked.

I might get some flack for this… but I want another chance with him.  Yeah.  What he did hurt me, and I didn’t deserve it.  But it’s easy for me to want to forgive that.  Everything else about hanging out with him was awesome.  I was really happy.  … I want that back.

So.  Well.  It’s not really up to me, though is it?  … and that sucks…

I don’t really know what to do though…  I don’t know if he’s still with his ex, or if it was short lived… Or if he’d even be interested in seeing me again…

I still get butterflies when I think about him.  It’s still hard to stop smiling.  This hasn’t happened in a long time.  Especially not so quickly — we talked for almost two months, went on three dates (three really fun dates)… I mean, don’t get me wrong, yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic, but this isn’t like that.  I was really happy with him.  I don’t just want to let that slip away…

So.  What do I do?

part of me really wish he’d read this, but I know the chances of that are low… and I feel awkward sending him a link rather than just writing him an email… *sigh*
I’ll get into the job thing later…

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