just so you know, there are some awesome women here…

14 August 2009

Over the past few days I’ve spent a lot of time offline writing.  A lot of time writing inevitably means a lot of time thinking, a lot of time stuck in my own head.

So of course the boy and that situation, and basically all of the relationships and encounters and mess from the last 11 or so years of dating were on my mind.  I’m still attracted to the boy.  But I’m also still caught up on a few other men too — like my bandmate and one of my scientist friends.  I think what really hurt this time was that I had so much hope that the recent string of rejection was finally over.  That maybe I might have found someone who sees that awesomeness in me.  There seemed to be potential with the boy.  And as I mentioned, I was happy.

But it didn’t happen.  It was just another rejection.  And it hurt.  Just like all the others before it.

I just don’t get it though.  It’s not just myself.  I know some very Lovely and Awesome women who I just don’t get why they’re single.*  I just don’t get how men can either be completely oblivious to all that we’ve got to offer or that they aren’t interested in quality women.  Maybe we’re just not meeting the right guys.  Maybe it’s just a matter of bad timing.  But whatever it is, it’s frustrating.

My brother always tells me that whenever I stop looking for it, a relationship will find me.  I want to believe him, but it’s hard to stop looking for something you want.  And it’s hard to reconcile wanting something you ultimately know doesn’t define who you are or your self worth.  But we want it nonetheless.

I’m not going to settle for the first dude who shows interest.  I want to get to know someone and make an investment in them.  But I want to keep trying.

So single men of Chicago: I’m here, and I’m looking.  I’m not perfect, but I’ve got a lot to offer.  If you’re interested, please let me know.  Also, my friends are pretty hot too.  You should give them a chance too, if you’re not going to give me one that is.

*Okay, so I know, being in a relationship isn’t everything.  People choose to be single and are still happy.  And that’s awesome.  But from talking with some of my female friends, I know that they’re just as frustrated as I am…

  • Nicopolitan

    Dude I would totally make a move on all the Chicago girls I met if I lived there. Someone find me a job in Chi town so we can make this happen.

    But no srsly, it sounds like yr dudes don’t know what they’re missing. They would be straight up crushed by the dearth of the LA scene. Oh sure our people are pretty but most are taken or unavailable and every once in a while, shallow.

    If Chicago ladies took their Midwestern charm and big city sensibility out here, they’d have their pick of the litter. I’m just sayin’.

    • 1) I’ll get you a job out here as soon as I find one myself!

      2) The guys here seems to be… well, I’m still trying to figure them out and what their apparent issue with cool girls is…

      3) No convincing Jenn to move to LA on my blog. 😛
      … but yeah… maybe I should visit LA some time…

  • Rachel S.

    I so totally agree. I’m going through that right now. Apparently, my boyfriend thinks that I’m just his girlfriend when he wants me around. The relationship is totally one sided. The thing that really is pissing me off is that I’m putting up with things most girls won’t in a relationship. He has me wondering what’s wrong with ME! I know that there is nothing wrong with me but I can’t help but wonder it at the same time.

    • oh eek! I’ve been there! Though I put myself there, only caring about his needs and what he wanted to do… He was actually a bit bothered by it.

      I can’t and won’t tell you to get out of that relationship. But I definitely think you should stick up for yourself. If he’s smart, he’ll want to work on it.

  • I ♥ you.

  • CMigs

    Yeah, I don’t get dudes. I just don’t get them.

    • Lovely, <3 you too. Chicago misses you.

      CMigs – I think all the guys who are out there, scratching their heads rather than their balls, who are trying to figure out why girls aren't going for nice guys, need to find us. But I know there are great guys out there, ones who are getting their hearts stomped on by idiotic girls… … I don't know. I don't think I go for the "wrong" guys, but maybe I’m wrong…

  • CMigs

    Well, I do know that there are lots of people who are in a relationship just to be in a relationship — or maybe even in a marriage for that same reason — and they’re scared to find out how they’d fare if they were to be alone and discover the dimension of their identity that isn’t “I’m with so-and-so.” Those mediocre, somewhat unsatisfying relationships are hogging up a lot of the quality-chicago-man real estate. Quality dudes of Chicago: grow some effin’ balls, quit letting your fear of change, fear of rejection, or fear of being alone run your lives, and go towards a relationship (with me or any of the above-mentioned ladies) that sustains you and spurs your growth as a person.

  • And how, lady. And how.

    • Yeah, you… you’re on my list of amazing Chicago women…. 🙂

  • I hate to say it, but your brother is probably right. When you stop looking for something, that’s when it happens. You know those phrases like “a watched pot never boils”? It’s the same concept applied differently. And sure, it’s frustrating as hell to just wait for something fabulous to plop into your lap, but maybe relaxing and taking your mind off “the search” is just what you need.

  • “Single men of Chicago.”

    …wait…that’s me! *slicks back hair*

    Ooh, ooh, pick meeee!

    • you should offer to take me to get cupcakes sometime… 😉
      (they’ve got bacon ones)

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