Over the past few days I’ve spent a lot of time offline writing. A lot of time writing inevitably means a lot of time thinking, a lot of time stuck in my own head.
So of course the boy and that situation, and basically all of the relationships and encounters and mess from the last 11 or so years of dating were on my mind. I’m still attracted to the boy. But I’m also still caught up on a few other men too — like my bandmate and one of my scientist friends. I think what really hurt this time was that I had so much hope that the recent string of rejection was finally over. That maybe I might have found someone who sees that awesomeness in me. There seemed to be potential with the boy. And as I mentioned, I was happy.
But it didn’t happen. It was just another rejection. And it hurt. Just like all the others before it.
I just don’t get it though. It’s not just myself. I know some very Lovely and Awesome women who I just don’t get why they’re single.* I just don’t get how men can either be completely oblivious to all that we’ve got to offer or that they aren’t interested in quality women. Maybe we’re just not meeting the right guys. Maybe it’s just a matter of bad timing. But whatever it is, it’s frustrating.
My brother always tells me that whenever I stop looking for it, a relationship will find me. I want to believe him, but it’s hard to stop looking for something you want. And it’s hard to reconcile wanting something you ultimately know doesn’t define who you are or your self worth. But we want it nonetheless.
I’m not going to settle for the first dude who shows interest. I want to get to know someone and make an investment in them. But I want to keep trying.
So single men of Chicago: I’m here, and I’m looking. I’m not perfect, but I’ve got a lot to offer. If you’re interested, please let me know. Also, my friends are pretty hot too. You should give them a chance too, if you’re not going to give me one that is.
*Okay, so I know, being in a relationship isn’t everything. People choose to be single and are still happy. And that’s awesome. But from talking with some of my female friends, I know that they’re just as frustrated as I am…