a frightening reality: I don't want to leave.

I’ve gotten myself into a situation.

I don’t regret leaving my job at all.  It wasn’t a healthy situation for me, and I’d been having issues for a year before I finally quit.

However.  As it comes to it now… I may have to leave Chicago.

It’s so close to being reality, that I’m fighting back tears.  Chicago has become my home — even when I was living in the Northern Territories…  I can’t imagine living anywhere else right now, and I definitely do not want to move back to Indiana.  The only perk of that would be seeing my family more often.

Leaving Chicago would mean leaving my friends behind.  Leaving the communities I’m getting involved with.  Leaving the parks, museums, concerts, small bars, walking places, the lake!, just everything this city has to offer.  Leaving crushes I’m not ready to get over yet.  It means having to rethink grad school all over again.  I means trying to figure out how I’m going to get all my stuff into my mom’s all ready packed with my crap house.

… It means giving up the kittens.  My mom’s got a dog and a cat (both of which were previously mine)… There’s barely room for me, but I know there’s no room for two more animals.

I’m still trying to find a job here.  I’m not giving up.  But I’m scared.
I don’t know what’s going to happen.

If I get the check for my share of the deposit on the old apartment, I’m safe for one more month.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  I’m not ready to leave!