unwanted: my uterus

13 September 2009

That my friends is a uterus.  (And yes, you can thank me for not posting an image of a real uterus.)

It looks all innocent… but no, don’t let it fool you… it’s evil.  PURE EVIL.

Normally, I’ve got that little bastard under control.  I’ve got little happy no-baby pills that would sedate it to a tolerable level.  But no job means no insurance and no income, which both mean no more happy no-baby pills.  (I actually only started birth control just to get my menstrual cycle in check.  Then came the added benefits of better complexion and no babies.)

This leaves me a mess.  Not a crazy emotional mess.  No, just a shriveled in the corner, DEAR GOD STOP THE PAIN mess.  My body temperature fluctuates so I can’t get comfortable.  At times, I start shaking…  And the cramps.  It’s like a vice grip, running of the bulls, and slam-dancing mosh pit of angry midgets wearing steal-toed clogs all at once.  All happening inside you.   (Yeah, guys? Imaging someone slamming your balls inside you then squeezing them tightly for 4-5 days straight.)

There have been cycles in my past where I’ve just wanted to give up.  I wanted the doctors to roll in and remove that damn organ from my body.  At some point, I might want kids — and though I am serious about looking into adoption, I’m not sure I want to give up the option of creating some sort of offspring with a future spouse.

So until then, I just have to wait until I can afford my happy no-baby pills again… and load up on ibuprofen and muscle relaxers.

The up side to my period?  I use menstrual cups and therefor never have to waste money on pads and tampons again.  So at least this monthly drain of my system isn’t also draining my bank account.

  • I don’t know what a “menstrual cup” is and I’d rather not know…

    • No worries, I won’t inform you… and also, don’t worry about hearing a lot of period talk… mostly you’ll only get “f-ing cramps” and some whimpering….

  • CMigs

    Is a menstrual cup like a frat cup?

    • A frat cup??? Never heard of that… In order to keep my word with Frank, there’s a link in my side bar: ecomenses… they talk about them… Diva cup is a popular brand…

  • susie inverso

    Myocalm. It’s a nice, organic, vitamin muscle relaxant kind of pill (without the goofy side-effects), no prescription needed since it’s not medication, it’s just a good sized dose of calcium and magnesium. I originally took it for a leg cramp I had, and it ended up saving me when i went off my no-baby pills.

    I’ll google “menstrual cup” so you don’t have to describe it here. Sounds icky, though.

    • Ooh.. Good call Susie.

      I got over the “icky-ness” of menstrual cups pretty quickly. I actually have a post planned that will talk about them… it might also include a giveaway and a discount code for women interested in them. But that post will also have a nice warning at top, so if people don’t want to know, they don’t have to keep reading. 🙂

  • megan

    dude, go to planned parenthood. you can get the pills for free.

    • I’ll need to google to find the closest one… but I probably should. Do you know if you’ll let you come back every month for more?

  • I don’t think that Planned Parenthood gives them away for free. They may offer it on a sliding scale basis…depending on income/insurance. But free? I hope I’m wrong anyway.

  • megan

    i’m pretty sure i know those at GC who got it for free, or at least only a few dollars. it’s based on your income. so if you’re unemployed, there you go.

  • megan

    ah, and of course you can go back every month. heck, maybe they’d even give you multiple months in one shot.

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