knowing when and backing off

15 October 2009

I’ve mentioned it a few times, but when it comes to dating I’m a fairly forward girl.  Most of the time, I’m not shy about telling a guy that I like him.  However, sometimes, I can come on a little strong.  And that’s what I’m attempting to work on.

(Wait, didn’t I write about this not that long ago?)

In my past, I feel like there has been a good handful of guys who I’ve somewhat scared off because of the whole “holy crap I really like you” thing I tend to have going on…  After feeling so comfortable and so great with one person, I tend to want to know what’s going on.  I want some sort of definition or declaration of what our relationship is.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I definitely bring that subject up a bit too early.

I’m having to rewire my mind to try to avoid the pink fluffy brain goo.  I want to be able to enjoy being with someone and not getting caught up in the whole mess of trying to figure out what’s going on.  No, I don’t really know how it goes from “I’m sort of seeing someone” to “this is my boyfriend”… but I really need to stop being concerned with that.  It will happen, and it will happen when it’s ready to happen.

It’s a lot easier to tell myself to stop, calm down, and breathe than it is to do just that.  But when it comes down to finding that one person who I really want to be with, I need to prepare myself to try not to muck things up the best I can! I seriously don’t want to be the crazy girl!
(Luckily I’ve got a very Lovely friend who seems to be willing to take on the crazy task of keeping me in check!)

  • You aren’t the crazy girl! Remember: “Damn cute and damn awesome.” You do totally win.

    But, I agree, the pink fluffy brain goo is the WORST.

    I know I don’t have to say it, but just keep calm. And just text me when you want to text him a bazillionty times. 😉

    • 🙂 Oh I will….

      and thanks. 🙂

  • Although I have the opposite problem in general (I have a hard time admitting to someone that I like them) I also find I say and think the wrong stuff during the beginning of a relationship. I read somewhere recently that women have a tendency to spend the first date wondering if this is The ONE or someone they would date, or marry, or whatever with…while guys spent the first date deciding whether or not they’d like a second date (and a second date deciding if they’d like a third, etc.)

    Sounds like while my future thinking leads me to be extra reserved it leads you to be extra excited–we should share mix our pink goo and both come to a happy place in the middle.

  • O

    Pink fluffy brain goo? I need me some of dat!

    • Val – finding that middle ground is always hard. I have definitely thought of my future when it comes to dating… but right now it’s more of when can I see them again combined with not wanting this to end at all….

      O – trade you, pink fluffy brain goo for some of those peanut puff thingies. They were yummy!!

  • Sam

    Coming from a guy’s point of view I’ve got a similar problem in that I’d probably like to define things wayyy to quickly as well. So there’s some of that “fluffy pink goo” in me too, but I’d probably refer to it as marshmellow or something like that…good luck though, I know from experience the lack of defining things does NOT make things enjoyable at times (at least for me), hence why I like to define them.

    • Thanks Sam! A lot of guys like to just go with the flow… I think it’s hard for both sides to really know what the other is thinking until someone brings it up. And it’s hard to know when to bring it up… But I can say, that I do appreciate when a guy tells he’s interested (and of course backs it up with his actions too)…

      This could probably take on its own post, but I know some people think things are just all right being left unsaid… but it’s so much better when people actually say them. (Not that I’m going to go rush out and overwhelm some guy with OMG FEELINGS!!!! but yeah. something that should be said will be said.)

  • Ugh, I feel the same way but different at the same time. I’m generally flirty even if I don’t intend to me, and I’m very ME, in your face kind of personality. So I can easily come off as hitting on a guy or leading him on, and then I’m the crazy girl trying to explain that it wasn’t intentional. Gah, drives me nuts. If you figure out how to fix the hardwiring, please let me know ’cause I’m sick of pushing away potential friends by making them think something completely wrong.

  • I am completely the opposite. I will not admit that I like a guy until I feel that his affection is returned. It helps protect my heart…because there are a lot of assholes out there…but I guess it also creates this stony part of me.

  • I struggled with this a lot in my last relationship — I usually am all straightforward and I know immediately if I like someone or not, but I held back my feelings. Looking back on it, I regret it a little. I feel like the person who is right for me will appreciate my emotions and not be scared of them. I don’t want to change myself completely…

    • I think ultimately that’s what we’re all going for… but some people settle, when they shouldn’t. I definitely want a guy who appreciates my openness and I hope I don’t change that for anyone.

      I decided to go with it this weekend — yeah, there’s a lot I haven’t put on this blog, but I’ll catch everyone up… Anyway, it was nice knowing that things are casual because it gives me some freedom too.

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