wench's guide to relationships (or lackthereof)

So CMigs recently asked that I put together a how-to for dating and relationships.  Apparently seeing more than one guy and having a handful of crushes gives me some sort of authority.  That or I’m a good source of entertainment.  So with that, I’m going to start a series of posts on my own personal tips for relationships and all that pink fluffy brain goo.*

First off, I guess at this point where I’m at is a little complicated, but at the same time it’s not.  I’m kind of single, but kind of not.  Basically I’m in an open relationshipOr two. I wouldn’t call either guy my boyfriend, but as I’m sure both of them know or have figured out, I wouldn’t be opposed to that and an exclusive relationship.  But I’m not going to push that on either of them.  If an exclusive relationship develops out of this, then awesome.  But I’m having fun right now, and really enjoying being with boy guys individually.

Secondly, I want to say — as many people have said to probably everyone — you need to be in a decent place with yourself before a great relationship can form.  You don’t need to have everything settled or perfect, but if you’re not happy with yourself, you can’t expect someone else to fix it.  That’s on you to do.  Maybe you’ll meet someone to hold your hand through it or what have you.  But you should not look for someone to fix or make you whole, nor should you look for someone to fix.  We’re not cars.  Yes it’s possibly to find someone while you’re working through hard times and not in the best place in your life — but I wouldn’t actively seek someone out during those times.  Other people will see you’re not ready for a relationship (because you’re not) and the rejection will hurt more.

Now, even if you think you’re ready for a relationship, there will probably still be some rejection.  Hi, look at me and my life.  I’ve been single/not in an exclusive relationship for four and half years now.  Two of them I wasn’t ready to be in one, but now I’d be okay with one.

Mostly, I think being open to possibilities is key.  It’s helped me out a lot.  I’m not saying go out and be in open relationships.  Not everyone is a good fit for that.  But don’t go out thinking there’s either single or not.  Let things take their course and develop.  Don’t rush things.  When you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities, you might be surprised to who might come into your life.

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Now, as I continue this… what relationship questions do you have?  Any particular story of mine you want to hear, any particular guy of mine (past or present) you want to hear more about?  I’m no expert, but I’m more than willing to share my thoughts and experiences with you.

*Yes, I realize that’s what most of my blog is about anyway… but this will be more focused.  and with tips!  tips that are emphasized and maybe even bullet pointed.