wench's guide to relationships (or lackthereof)

9 December 2009

So CMigs recently asked that I put together a how-to for dating and relationships.  Apparently seeing more than one guy and having a handful of crushes gives me some sort of authority.  That or I’m a good source of entertainment.  So with that, I’m going to start a series of posts on my own personal tips for relationships and all that pink fluffy brain goo.*

First off, I guess at this point where I’m at is a little complicated, but at the same time it’s not.  I’m kind of single, but kind of not.  Basically I’m in an open relationshipOr two. I wouldn’t call either guy my boyfriend, but as I’m sure both of them know or have figured out, I wouldn’t be opposed to that and an exclusive relationship.  But I’m not going to push that on either of them.  If an exclusive relationship develops out of this, then awesome.  But I’m having fun right now, and really enjoying being with boy guys individually.

Secondly, I want to say — as many people have said to probably everyone — you need to be in a decent place with yourself before a great relationship can form.  You don’t need to have everything settled or perfect, but if you’re not happy with yourself, you can’t expect someone else to fix it.  That’s on you to do.  Maybe you’ll meet someone to hold your hand through it or what have you.  But you should not look for someone to fix or make you whole, nor should you look for someone to fix.  We’re not cars.  Yes it’s possibly to find someone while you’re working through hard times and not in the best place in your life — but I wouldn’t actively seek someone out during those times.  Other people will see you’re not ready for a relationship (because you’re not) and the rejection will hurt more.

Now, even if you think you’re ready for a relationship, there will probably still be some rejection.  Hi, look at me and my life.  I’ve been single/not in an exclusive relationship for four and half years now.  Two of them I wasn’t ready to be in one, but now I’d be okay with one.

Mostly, I think being open to possibilities is key.  It’s helped me out a lot.  I’m not saying go out and be in open relationships.  Not everyone is a good fit for that.  But don’t go out thinking there’s either single or not.  Let things take their course and develop.  Don’t rush things.  When you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities, you might be surprised to who might come into your life.

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Now, as I continue this… what relationship questions do you have?  Any particular story of mine you want to hear, any particular guy of mine (past or present) you want to hear more about?  I’m no expert, but I’m more than willing to share my thoughts and experiences with you.

*Yes, I realize that’s what most of my blog is about anyway… but this will be more focused.  and with tips!  tips that are emphasized and maybe even bullet pointed.

  • CMigs

    Yay! I like the advice. And, yes, I’ll admit, that I am entertained by your exploits — mostly because I have none at the moment and am not very bold.

    Here’s a question: what if the bad place in your life is caused by a factor that is semi- out of your control, like a horrendous work environment that leaves you depleted on weekdays and weekends? Do you just wait to pursue the relaysh until you can find another job? I might have to wait like a decade for the R-ship to land if it is contingent on my finding another employment venue.

    • Deidre – my brother always told me once I stop looking I’ll find it. But I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with being proactive in looking for/starting relationships. I just don’t think people should be consumed by it or let other opportunities pass them by.

      CMigs – Thanks. 🙂 As for a horrendous work environment, that’s definitely something that I don’t think you need to wait to get out of before starting a relationship. However, you do want to be careful not to let that negativity seep into your search for and budding relationships. I mean, a truly awesome guy will be able to support you through that (and other) situations, but they shouldn’t be a crutch at all nor should you just unload everything about your bad work environment onto them. My bad place was my stepmom passing away. I was in no shape to start a relationship at that point. And I believe that was the right things for me to do. However, I’ve also dealt with a work environment. I was on anti-anxiety and antidepressants along with seeing a psychiatrist because of my job. Would I still date during that time? Yes. But I left about 90-95% of my work baggage stored away when I was out.

      And don’t worry. We’ll work on that boldness. 😉

  • I think this is some of the best advice, that when you’re ready and open to new things it’ll happen 🙂 Great post!

  • Jeff

    Sometimes its better to watch the game than play it 🙂

    • But… But… I like the game. If you don’t play… you don’t get to make out. and I like making out. 🙂

  • Jeff

    The game has playas. Love doesn’t. 😀

    • true. but well. … MAKING OUT.

      that’s all. 🙂

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