balls. get some.

10 December 2009

Yes, I meant that in every way you’re thinking of right now.  In a continuation of my Wench’s Guide to Relationships (or lackthereof), I figured it was appropriate to talk about balls and getting them.

I don’t know where it came from, but at some point, probably after high school, I let go a little and just decided to approach guys.  I don’t remember being aggressive in high school, but well, I did have 12 “boyfriends” before college.  Maybe Sean, “the ex” and my only college boyfriend, was the first to acknowledge that I was a tiny bit aggressive in letting him know I liked him.

He was involved in theater, doing awesome techie stuff, a computer science major, played viola in orchestra, oh, and he had chops and a blue mohawk.  Nerdy little me was smitten quick.  So what did I do?  I rushed into his room, giggled, and threw a rubber squeaky albatross at him and rushed out.  (Only to sheepishly come back to ask for my bird.)  A few days to a week later we were down by the dam sitting and talking, eventually with my head in his lap.  And that’s when he said, “So Erini, what the fuck?”  Yep.  That’s how he asked me out.

Since then, well, I haven’t quite taken Sean’s approach, but I have just gone for it. I’ve made out with dudes (sober and not so much).  I’ve directly asked what was going on or if they wanted to go out on a date.  I’ve got to say, it does sort of freak some guys out.  Which is sad.  Dudes, if a girl asks you out or shows interest in you take it as a compliment and don’t think she’s trying to emasculate you.  Yeah, I like being pursued too, but I’m okay initiating things.

I took my friend Adam’s phone from him and programmed in my number — this was when we first met and just after we spent some time making out.  I invited Snuggles* The Musician over (which is how we started being more than friends and starting seeing each other).  I’ll dance with guys, I’ll flirt with them, and I’ll make out with them.  Hell, last night, I even emailed the Cute Banker and asked him out!

It may seem like I’m just jumping out there taking risk after risk.  But they’re sort of calculated.  I’m not completely terribly impulsive.  I think about things, mull them over, talk about it, and then decide to just do it.  I think about the different possibilities, decide if it’s something I want, then I go for it.  The worse that can happen is he’ll say no.  If he says any worse than he was definitely not worth it and I can move on very quickly.

I also need to acknowledge my support group too.  I’ve got some Lovely and Awesome women who have helped me through so much of this pink fluffy brain goo crap.  They aren’t the only two gals I go to, nor do I just go to women for dating advice.  But the key is to have at least one person there to help you through this — and really, all other things in life.

Talk with your support group, think it over.  Take a deep breath, then just go for it.  It does get easier with time.  Though I can’t say the butterflies and the pink fluffy brain goo gets any easier to deal with.

*Snuggles is going to get got a new name… though he still is very snuggly.  New name: The Musician.
  • I do recall complimenting this quality of yours at the Gals Guide summit, when it became totally clear that you were fearlessly flying into whatever love and sex came your way. I so admire you for this!

    • thanks Rabbit! 🙂 but I will say there is some fear there. the moments before and just after I ask out a guy. 🙂 But I just have to push through it!

  • Pink fluffy brain goo. Oy.

    I haz some.

    • It’s a bitch.

  • i should get some balls. i’m totally one of those girls when it comes to dating. i’m so glad i’ve come across blogs like yours at this weird point in my dating life (or lack there of) 🙂

    • Michelle – I found that sitting and pining and waiting for a guy to ask me was beyond frustrating. It was more torture than having him say no.

  • Jeff

    I know a bold girl that uses the same tactics as you. Dates guys with mohawks, dates blue collar guys and white collar guys. She’s always the one to make the first move. She doesn’t sit around and wait.

    Then there is the girliest girl I ever dated taught me a lot of things. She tends to be right, but goes about things in the worst way. What I learned from her:
    – The guy should always start the communication, if not, it shows he’s not interested
    – The guy should always call, it shows he wants to talk instead of feeling like he’s bored with a text

    • Jeff – I agree with some of it. But I don’t think it’s a “should always” situation. It’s awesome when a guy will be like “yes I like you”, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the girl making the first move either. Honestly, I think if you like someone and are attracted to them enough (and of course you’re both single/open/not married) then you should go for it.

      I will admit I like with boys do nice things for me… holding doors (car and building), holding hands, quality hugs, unexpected hugs, calling, texting… yeah.. I like it when guys initiate things. But there’s nothing wrong with me doing it too. It’s about balance. 🙂

  • Jeff

    The holding of doors is interesting. I’ve had one date stop in front of a door quite blatantly. It was insulting, because she demanded it, when I would always get a door. Another girl that I would always get doors for, I failed to get her car door. I have a little test I’ll tell you aboid that she failed. I’ve gotten a car door for another girl and she asked what the F I was doing and totally turned her off.

    As for the test she failed, there is a test that holds true to this day. When you pick up a girl, get out of your car, go to her door. Make sure your doors are locked. Come back, unlock her car door, let her in, if your door isn’t unlocked by the time you get to your side, then she’s only in it for herself and oblivious to everything.

    Oddly enough its proven true. I’ve even spread the word to others and they’ve tried it. Its been true for them 🙂 Because no one makes it the last date when they fail the test. Instead after months of misery they think back to the test 🙂

    • I thoroughly dislike girls that expect men to open doors for them. Like it’s some sort of requirement. We had a discussion about this at the Gals Guide Summit. I never expect it, but it’s always appreciated. The Boy always gets the door for me. Even the car door. I hope he never feels like I expect it. But I will admit that it’s very easy to get used to, and occasionally forget that it’s not always going to happen. It’s like a habit.

      The girl getting the car door for the guy is nice, but just because I don’t get it for you doesn’t mean I’m in it for myself. A lot of guys have the electronic key unlocker thingy. Therefore it’s unlocked when he opens it for me. Or, well, The Boy drives a Prius. (The Musician bikes, therefore no doors. However, he totally made sure he was walking on the traffic side of me — which I noticed, and really appreciated. Then he took my hand as we walked. He also opens doors and gates for me…)

  • Aww, shoot.

    Also, to Jeff: I would always unlock my ex’s car door after he had opened it for me, and I remember him saying that he was really surprised that I thought to do so. I’ve done it ever since.

Previous post:

Next post: