It's … complicated. (handling open relationships)

So I’ve got to say, I don’t think I ever thought I’d find myself in a dating situation like this.  I’m seeing a couple guys, two of which I like well enough and have continued seeing for a while now.  I really like these guys; they make me really happy.  Yet I still seeing both of them at the same time, and am still starting things up with other guys.

We’re not necessarily socialized for this.  We’re told that if we’re really happy with someone we should only be with that one person.  And I’ve definitely thought that with both of them at different points.  I’ve only been seeing them for a few months, and I’m really not sure what will develop from either.

One thing I’ve learned that I have found that knowing that either guy is seeing other women isn’t really too big of an issue to get over.  They’re seeing other girls, I’m seeing other guys.  I really have no reason to get upset.  But I have found that I don’t really care to know who these other women are.  I can get a little competitive, and thinking “is she seeing him more often than me? kissing him more? does he like her more?!?!” — yeah, not what I want.  However, well, that’s taking a new turn.

The Musician recently informed me that he’s just starting seeing one of our mutual friends.  A woman whom I had previous talked about guys with and all our crushes — and yes, the Musician had come up.  But by the time I started seeing him, we hadn’t been talking about guys as much.  So I didn’t tell her.  It is hard to be supportive of all of this.  Yeah sure, date my friend too. But really, what do I say?

He informed her last night during dinner.  He said that she was cool, and that things should work out — meaning his relationship with her and my friendship with her.  I really don’t want to lose or damage my friendship with her, but again, sharing a guy?  There’s still the potential for disaster.

I still hope he and I are on the same page — I have no idea how he explained our history to her or really anything.  As I said, I do really like this guy.  He makes me happy.  And though yes, I’m still seeing The Boy, and I just asked out The Cute Banker, and I’m still checking my okc profile — when I’m with The Musician, I’m only with the Musician.

Open relationships aren’t for everyone.  What’s hardest for me is moments like now, when I’m home alone, when I want to have someone special to be with.  Who do I call?  Who do I text?  I go through a list pretty much.  I see which one of the guys is available.  Not having one man that I can depend on to be there for me is hard.  I know the guys support me in my endeavors, but they’re busy.  So despite having a couple really great guys in my life, I’m still sort of lonely.

But as I mentioned, I’m open to the possibility of an exclusive relationship developing with either of those guys, or maybe with someone new.  I’m taking the time to get to know them and find out more about what I want.  Despite the lonely times, I’m still having fun.  I guess that’s what counts.