and the loser is…

If you’re in the 20SB community, you know what time of year it is.  It’s voting time for the Bootleg Blogger Awards.

I’m torn when it comes to voting things such as this.  As someone who loves to support her friends (such as voting for Mucca Pazza in the Chicago Music Awards), there are some awards that I adamantly avoid.  Unfortunately, the Bootleg awards have been one of them.  This is my first year to be involved with them, but from joining 20SB they haven’t set right with me.

I do believe we need to recognize those bloggers who are just awesome.  We’ve got some freaking awesome people in the 20SB community who are doing phenomenal things.  But when it comes to awards, community nominated and given awards… well, I get a little nervous.

The blogging world generally seems to be run by playground politics, in my opinion. Or really, any school related politics, because there is a good handful of it that very reminiscent of high school, and not in a good way.  As with any community built on relationships, it’s going to feel like a popularity contest.  I know I’ll take some grief for this, but I feel it’s need to be said.

Never did I even dream I would be nominated*.  Yes, I do feel like I’m a good writer and a good blogger.  But I don’t feel like one of the popular kids.  I know that in the blogging world a lot of it is up to chance, and yes playground rules and lunchroom hierarchies sort of run the place… I’m very happy and grateful for what I have. But nevertheless, awards that are mostly popularity contests do sort of get me down.

I’m in no way judging the company I keep or the other nominees.  I’m good friends with a good number of them and love them dearly.  They deserve the awards they’ve been nominated for.  But well, when the same people keep popping up?  Again, it’s nothing against them — I just have a hard time thinking this is a good representation of the community.

The only solution to this for more people to get involved in the nominating process.  The wider selection of nominees will allow for a grander selection of our community to be recognized.  We need to get off the jungle gym and make this change.

*I’m very grateful to be nominated for Best Tumblog for Pink Dinosaurs.  I’m honored.  It was a complete and utter surprise.  Maybe it’s years of doing thankless jobs — stage managing and producing — but I never feel like I’ll win these things.

CONTINUANCE: (8:45a 12.29.09)

It is definitely not my intention to hurt anyone with this post.  Blogging is by no means about the recognition.  It’s my outlet.  Like for so many people, it’s our safe place (or at least, we hope it’s our safe place).

I have personal baggage when it comes to people getting recognition.  Yes, I want to be recognized too.  A lot of us do.  And for me, when I saw the same names over and over, regardless of who they are — and seriously, because the ones I know in person, I really like and truly respect — it just sort of brought up a lot of old feelings of just wanting a pat on the back and a “good job”.

The title of my post has nothing to do with anyone other than myself.  The loser I’m referring to is myself.  No, I don’t think I’m a loser — I think I’m anything but.  Which is, yes, why I’d like a little recognition too.  I’m not the only one who feels this way.  I know it.  I’m being honest with myself right now.  It comes from years of feeling like I’ve been looked over.  Yes, I have gotten recognition for things.  Yes, I have been building up myself, telling myself that I am indeed awesome.

I’m going to ramble myself into a corner.  But honestly and truthfully, I have never meant to hurt anyone by my opinion.  I still do believe that the bloggers nominated are amazing people and have done a lot to build the 20SB community