friends like seasons…

12 January 2010

Think about your best friend.  That person who’s always been there for you.  Who’s basically family at this point.  The person that you don’t know where you’d be without them.

Now… how long have you known them?

I feel like my close friends come in waves.  Of the handful of people who have really made an impact on my life, and are still active players, the longest relationship is 5 years.

Throughout grade school into high school, it was pretty much the same kids I ran around with.  But then I moved away to college, and I lost touch with a lot of them.  I knew it was going to happen.  I acknowledged it openly.  They were fun people, but honestly?  A lot of them brought a lot of grief into my life and it just didn’t seem like they actually cared.  (This is me lumping all of them into a group — some of them probably did…)

In college, I made great friends.  I still remember “my firsts” — Joe, Mike, and Megan.  But even those people I don’t connect with as much.  I still love my college friends, tremendously so.  But I don’t hear from them often now that most of us have graduated and moved.  It takes a lot of work on both sides to keep up friendship when you’re not actually in the same place.  Life gets in the way.

It seems like a lot of my friends also have these life-long friends that they have these great histories with.  My cast of characters keeps changing.  I know some of that falls on me too.  I’ve grown and changed and am definitely not the same person as I was oh so many years ago.  But at 25, I’m hoping that a lot of these people stick around.  My group is filled with musicians and bloggers, writers and mennonites (or well, people I went to college with).  They’re my family.  I don’t want them to change with the seasons.

  • I think this is one of the hardest things about friendships. But I do believe there are different times and places and friends for different stages of your life. This said, I still have two dear friends, one I’ve literally known since birth and one since kindergarten. I would be crushed without them in my life, no matter how much time goes between talking or hanging out.

    • In high school, I was okay leaving those friends — not every single one of them, but I guess the overall group. Only one of them ever came to visit me at college.
      But growing apart from my college friends has been really hard, and I guess you could say I’m almost in denial that it’s happening…

  • Some of my cast of characters keeps changing, but I have friends today that I’ve had for 25+ years (at 29 years old) you have to accept the ebb and flow that comes with that and work at keeping that connection sometimes…but it’s worth it.

    Also, I have a newer “core” that too has an ebb and flow to it. But I suppose that is just life.

    • It’s sort of interesting/weird seeing where childhood friends are now (yay facebook?)… we’re in so many different places now.

      There are definitely some friends I need to reconnect with… mostly from college, but still… I think this year I want to get better at doing my part in the maintenance.

  • I’m with ya. It’s taken me a long time to find the perfect ones… I’m holding on for keeps this time round. 😉

    • I’ve definitely got some around that I have no intentions on letting slip away… regardless of where they actually live. Distance is no longer an excuse. 🙂

  • Throughout grade school and high school I kept the same friends, but that’s probably because I saw them every day for what, 8-12 years?

    Now, like you, there are waves and cycles. I’ve managed to hold onto one friend for 9+ years and I’m incredibly happy about that. Most of my current friends are bloggers and I’m happy that I’ve formed such wonderful bonds with many of them. I think that as long as two people want to make it work (whether that be a friendship or relationship) then not much can break that bond.

    With my 9+ year friend, we go months without speaking, but we pick up right where we left off. I love that 🙂

    • Yeah, seeing my school friends day-in-day-out is pretty much what kept us together.

      I’m totally in mad like with all of m blogging friends. I’m hoping that this extra connection and way of communicating will help make things last and maybe even make some relationships stronger.

  • I think it’s sad but common to have your 20’s be sort of full on transient friends. I’ve had one friend since elementary school and we’re still close, the rest came on in middle school. I’ve made a few friends as a grown up, but others seem to come and go with jobs and circumstances. It maes me really sad, actually, to think of the friends I’ve “lost”.

    • There’s a few in particular that I really truly miss and am sad to see we’ve lost touch. And I’ve got some now that I want to do what I can to make sure I don’t lose them too.

      Sometimes it’s hard because new friends come in and then it’s a weird balance between keeping your old friends while cultivating these new relationships too.

  • Jeff Jeff

    My current best friend is my cousin Abby. My best friends otherwise are people that I date for more than 10 days.

    I had a half life time long friendship with my bff Ron, before drinking, stupidity, him dating a 14 year old when he was 26, caused us to no longer be friends.

    I literally know no one that I knew when I was in HS or previous to that. Even my family were strangers back then. It’s quite the way to erase history. Cancers are so in tune with remembering the past, but everyone from my past goes bye bye. I don’t want them to find me actually. A lot of them have been to jail, done big drugs or just messed up their lives.

    My longest friendship now is with someone that I went 10 years without talking to. A pair of them actually. I can remember everything from back then, but they can’t recall anything.

    Asside from those two that I lost touch with 10 years ago and found again 2 years ago, my oldest friend is more an aquaintance. We dated 6 weeks, it was very dull. We see each other every year or two, even though we live within an hour of one another.

    I don’t even have anyone that can be my best man at my wedding.

    • I always wonder who would be in my bridal party, what friends are close enough and whatnot… who would I want there…. I have a few I could think of… but then I start wondering who would ask me to be in their bridal party…. oi.

  • Jeff

    I doubt anyone would ask me. In fact I just heard one of my good friends I’ve known for 5 years got married in September and didn’t invite me. Nor did she tell me she was married and we talk a few times a week.

  • I hear you on the waves thing. Two friends from high school are still my bestest friends, but we all live in different states and never see each other. My college friends and I are soooooo far apart. We try to talk and we get together for weekends at our alma mater, but that’s about it. And now I have friends here in town. I see them sometimes, but it’s not the same…

    Now I’m just complaining. Ignore my comment, ha.

Previous post:

Next post: