my life compass might be broken… or at least slow

9 March 2010

So, going to take a little bit of a break from all the gushing OMG Jaron is soooo great posts — which, by the way is still very much a fact… But I thought it was time to check in on what I’m doing to live my dreams.

Honestly, some days it feels like a whole lot of nothing.  I get up, go to work, come home exhausted, dick around on the interwebs, then pass out anywhere between 10 and midnight, only to do it all over again.  I spend my days off lounging around the house with the cats.  So seriously, how do I expect to accomplish any goals or reach for any dreams if I’m just sitting on my ass?

You should know that I let the deadline for the MA in Zoology slip by without applying.  Why?  Because I was surprised with a promotion at work and thus began working 45-50 hour weeks.  Doing anything beyond surviving that and just enjoying the down times wasn’t really on my radar.

More and more I’m finding that I’m back in that indecisive about what I want to do stage.  I’m waffling.  I still feel strongly about wildlife education and conservation.  But I’m starting to feel that I’ve neglected my writing for too long.  That I need to continue to work on my craft.  That maybe I should attempt to get my portfolio done and apply for grad school at the end of the year.  And then I go and redesign a blog and create a new one and rediscover my love for all of that!  (Don’t even put me in front of audio, lighting, or video equipment, it might doom me.)

The question of “what do you want to be when you grow up” is still apt.  I mean, holy hell.  What do I want to do?  Everything I’ve liked is so varied.  I’ve never felt like anyone needs to limit themselves by becoming so focused that it does allow the freedom to explore all of your passions and interests.  But have I become so broad that choosing a direction is such a daunting task that I’m shutting down?

I still love working at the toy store.  I’m settling in to my new role in management.  My boss is tapping into some of my talents, and that excites me (just as much as getting awesome new toys — yes, I am a giant kid).  I have no real answers, but I am not taking this lightly.  I’m not going to stop just living and enjoying everything life’s thrown at me thus far just so I can get some direction… But I am working on taking steps towards paths with might lead me somewhere awesome.

  • I decided to just go for it when I went back to school. Environmental Management wasn’t always something I thought I’d do. I’m not sure that I still want to, but being in school has at least helped me. I don’t know exactly what I want to do and I don’t know that I ever will. But I’m enjoying the ride while I try to figure it out.

    Also, on your job front, I’m jealous. Not of the toy store (even though that would be amazing.) But the fact that your boss actually uses your talents. My job doesn’t allow me to do that, which has made me recently start searching for a new one.

    Don’t stress so much about the end answer. Right now, my end answer is writing about the environment as it combines two things I love. But that’s changed. About 100 times. So go after what you love – the answer will follow.
    .-= Ashley´s last blog ..Not Who You Think I Am =-.

    • Erini

      <3 Thanks!

      Generally I just work on my passions, be involved in them, and see what comes of them. But lately I've felt like I wanted some sort of concrete vision and direction. Maybe it's just because my birthday is coming up in a few month (June), and I'm one to think about that WAY early… and getting older, well, it always makes me question things like this. I'm becoming more of an adult! IT'S WEIRD.

      I think I need to stop this nervous fear of failing, and just jump — just apply to different schools and programs that interest me and just see where it leads. I just need to go for it. 🙂

      Also, using my talents right now means a bi-monthly newsletter and writing the blog. (As well as the crafty things like signs and window displays.) It's a little thing, but it does help. I hope you can find a job or something in your job that can feed your talents. 🙂

  • I would argue that having too many passions is far better than having none at all. You’ll figure it out. 😉

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