taking a look at the glass — empty or full?

20 September 2010

I hate all this suckfest that seems to be going on with me right now.  Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some very good things that are hopefully coming my way.  But there’s been some pretty big, not so great things come my way too.

But when I look at it, I can’t tell if the glass is half empty or half full.

Empty:

  • Fairly obvious by now, The Pain. Maybe it’s from endometriosis, maybe not.  Regardless, it’s not been a fun journey.  Currently, the pain is making it’s return, and I’m low on supplies.
  • Due to The Pain, I haven’t been able to work full-time like I used to.  Previously I’d have 45-50 hours a week.  Now? 20-35.  I’m slowly getting more hours, but right when I get to a point where I can start doing more they cycle begins again and I’m out of commission for those 7-9 hour days, on my feet and running the store.
  • Because I can’t work full time, my financial situation sucks.  With every paycheck since being in the hospital, I’ve had to get help from family.  Regardless of the fact that this next paycheck is coming a week later than we thought it would, it’s still not going to be enough to cover my bills and such.
  • Due to lack of funds, buying food hasn’t been something I can easily do.  This month, I think I’ve really only been able to get one loaf of bread and some cat food.

Full:

 

 

 

 

  • The previously mentioned, potentially good thing seems to just keep getting better.  It’s almost looking like a reality.  I should hopefully get some good news this week.  Which means I can hopefully share what’s going on soon.
  • Even though we technically broke up, I still have The Bartender in my life.  I’ve never really had someone show and verbalize how much the care for me like he has.  It’s a little overwhelming, in a very good way.  Neither of us really see anything long term with this relationship, but neither of us are ready to abandon what we have just yet.
  • OMG the support I’ve gotten from various people… from my Lovely roommate, to commenters, to bloggy-friends, tweeps, my endo support group, co-workers… the list just keeps going.  I’ve had just people saying they were thinking about me, to offers for food… (which I do want to thank Ramon from Dominos for providing me with dinner one night, and a ride home.)
  • I can’t forget my family.  They’ve footed too many of my bills and carried my burdens for so long now… I know, that’s what family does… but I still can’t say thanks enough.  It’s thanks to my family I’m going to be able to take a much needed vacation out east.  Boston, Maine, Montreal and Toronto.  October 4-10.  It was hard deciding to just not work for a week when I need money so badly right now… but I need to take care of my mental health too.  And being with family and getting a break trumps staying here.

 

There are both good and bad things surrounding me right now.  I go from celebrating to wanting to hide under the covers.  I’m trying to stay focused on the Full, but the Empty has a very loud voice.

Loud enough to make me consider swallowing my pride to ask for help from the internets…

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