and subsequently I have a headache… and I also feel sick, but I don’t know if that’s related.
The cats do not really care for their new basement home, though they’re trying to make the best of it. Kaija’s currently sitting on top of a shelving unit, looking out one of the very few windows down here. And Tuija’s exploring a maze of boxes — meowing to let me know she’s still around (or maybe telling Kaija what’s she’s found). Kaija’s also hissing more — both cats would hiss at the old place, but Kaija’s hissing at Tuija, which is very new.
The basement smells weird. I currently have no “walls” (read: curtains and old sheets). It’s pretty damn cold (thank you baby j for my amazingly warm down comforter). There are a lot of weird noises. I can hear every single foot step upstairs. The water pipes are directly above my head, so I hear every sink, drain and toilet in the house. Plus some ordinary sounds now seem completely alien and strange here — like the cats scratching in the literbox. It echos and sounds like someone’s getting into a large bag of rock salt.
I’m required to attend a church — any church — while living here, yet I’ve been able to avoid that this morning. Not that I hate church, I just don’t particularly feel drawn to their’s at all. And without license for the moment, I’m not left with many options. (And this is farm-town Indiana, I’m not sure I will ever find a church that feels right in this area.) Staying home has given me the opportunity to experience something much needed by me — quietness. I still hold on to a lot of my Quaker convictions — and needing time for quiet and stillness is one. This is basically the only chance I’ll get this other than maybe Wednesdays while my sisters are at homeschool co-op.
I love my family, but this is definitely not ideal. Today I file for unemployment, medicaid, and more jobs. I will also hopefully have my etsy store open before the end of this week. Eventually, after I get the medicaid thing figured out, I will be scheduling my surgery.
Besides for the noises and the smells — and the constant waking by the cats — none of these things were really on my mind last night as I tried to fall asleep. I kept thinking of New Years Eve. I could not have asked for a better send off than spending the night with some of my favorite people. You could say I had visions of accordions and saxophones dancing in my head. I wore my dress with bows on the shoulders with leggings and almost-knee high boots. My multi-chained necklace, ala a feminine & classy Mr. T, and sparkly nails as well. The entire building danced — and agreeing with Small Ronnie, there’s nothing much better than seeing an entire room waltzing. There were never enough hugs, and New Years Kisses to share. There were the bittersweet goodbyes, with fingers crossed this separation wouldn’t last too long.
I ended the night with one of my best friends, though still thinking of the experience before rather than the one ahead. It’s been a hard year, with more challenges to come. But I couldn’t imagine a better way to transition than spending it with these amazing people. I miss them a lot.
But all too soon, and in more ways than one… as Andy and I shouted many times that night …. We’re getting the band back together! .. but not soon enough.