how one day changed everything.

25 August 2011

If you’ve been following me on twitter lately, you’ll know I haven’t had the best few days.

It’s been hard to talk about, mainly because I keep crying. Seriously. I’ve cried way too much this week.

Basically, I’ve been asked to leave the Portfolio School. Or, well, we’re calling it “a break”… But regardless, I won’t be back next quarter. It’s hard news to take, but I can understand where they’re coming from. Our school is a business. It was just sort of out of no where as the week prior we’d made arrangements for me to work at school next quarter to help cover some of my tuition costs. But me getting behind in one class due to health reasons (and getting frustrated because of personal issues with the instructor), apparently they thought it was best I leave.

I know this isn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I’m not dying. But this is still a big change for me. Even with the rest of the challenges I’ve been dealing with lately, school has been one of the greatest highlights and source of happiness/self-esteem. This also leaves me with the “what the hell do I do now?” question. I’ve made some good strides in my designs this quarter. In fact, I actually found direction in terms of my career. It seemed like things were going the way they need to, that I was reaching my dreams. And now that’s been taken away from me.

I realize I can continue to work, but I won’t have that same dedicated time like I do here. I also won’t have the resources. The instructors here are invaluable. I may not like all of them–either because of teaching style or personality–but they’ve helped me make steps to become a much better designer. I’m not ready to give that up.

I can’t ignore the fact that I need money, and that well, as of right now I really don’t know what I’m going to do for rent this upcoming month. But I’ve never worried because I knew I was pursuing my dream. So, again, now what?

  • I refuse to leave Chicago. (for the time being)
  • I’m going to keep working on my designs. (I’ve even got one instructor who’s going to email me the updated homework assignments for his class)
  • I’m going to use the skills I’ve got now, and have had, to good use and profit. (aka freelancing)
  • Find cheaper housing. (I’ve got something a little less than I’m paying now, but it’s not until Nov 1)
It’s going to be a struggle, and it’s definitely an adjustment. Reading all the 20SB Summit recaps have kept me motivated–I definitely need this. Along with freelancing, I’ll actually have time to apply for all those random soul sucking jobs I’ve been wanting to avoid. I’m trying to treat this like an opportunity. All those personal projects I’ve been talking about, and now all the ones that have popped up thanks to the Summit, I’ll have some time to work on those.
Hopefully, I’ll be back in school in January. But at the same time, maybe this isn’t a door closing, but the universe telling me there’s something better for me right now.

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