on trying to feel pretty…

9 September 2011

Self-esteem is a touchy subject. I’ve had some struggles with it—like pretty much every other woman I know. However, just because “we all go through it” doesn’t make it any less of an issue.

For the most part, I’ve been too busy to be distracted by these things. But they still sneak in. And I’ve noticed that since I cut my hair, it’s been coming up a bit more. I don’t feel like I can just get up, get dressed, and go out the door. I feel like I have to primp and fuss over my hair. I’ve been wearing eyeliner almost every day I leave the house. Even picking out outfits is more of a challenge—I’m afraid of not coming off as feminine and thus not being pretty.

I know. I know, I know, I know. In the grand scheme, it’s dumb. But when I cut to the chase, I still have issues with feeling pretty and attractive.

I don’t need a boyfriend to survive, but it’d be nice to be asked out on a date. I know I seem to jump from attraction to attraction… but in all honesty, there are only a very small number of guys I’ve been truly caught up on. It’s sort of in my nature to talk about or at least mention “oh hey, he’s cute.” It’s ended up sort of labeling me as “boy crazy.”

I just want my confidence back. It’s not completely gone. It’s just not as stable as I would like.

  • Woo…ee..ooooh….I think we’re on the same wavelength. I just wrote a post about this and postponed it for a few days simply because I wasn’t ready to have it out there to talk about. You say “it dumb” but it’s not. I’m glad you posted this, and i think it’s a dialogue we need to keep going in the blogosphere.

    Self-esteem or pretty-issues isn’t just a teen issue and it isn’t just for those annoying feel-good gurus to discuss, it’s time for regular ol’ Janes who deal with it to talk about it. We all want to be appreciated or valued, and sometimes that comes from our looks and every once in awhile we really really want it to come from our looks!

    I know I’ve been going through this with clothing. I felt stupid because I felt frumpy and needed new clothes. I was down on myself thinking “shouldn’t I just feel hot in pants even if they’re now a size too big, or a shirt that doesn’t fit my professional style anymore” Ya, I felt like a big ol’ jerk for going out and buying $300 worth of work blouses, pants, 2 pairs of jeans and a new pair of shoes….but you know? I feel good. I fussed, but I feel good.

    Don’t apologize, don’t make excuses. Feel fabulous, and whatever that means for you, go get it! If you primping annoys the sh*t out of you, embrace something else, you deserve to rock your life and I know you do- even if you have a little lull in the rockstarness that is you. 🙂

    • Erini

      It’s something that I’ve struggled with on and off since… I can remember. Over the years I’ve gotten better with it, but it still hits every so often.

      I don’t mind fussing every so often, but well, it’s been feeling more and more like I’ve got to do it just to feel pretty. And that’s the exhausting part. At some point, I wouldn’t mind some retail therapy… but well, not in the cards just yet. 😉

  • *hugs* you’re fabulous. i know you know, but i still like saying it 😉

    also i now have an urge to watch all the tgs. arrow’d!

    • Erini

      Thanks Michelle. 🙂

  • You had me until the last paragraph. It’s important that YOU think you’re pretty. You don’t need a guy to validate that for you. Forty guys can ask you out tomorrow, but unless YOU believe in your own beauty, then no one else will. Don’t equate the number of dates you’ve had to your beauty.

    Find it and BELIEVE in it.

    • Erini

      I know. I still stand behind that I wouldn’t mind being asked out on a date–I don’t even need to go on one, but at times it’s nice to have outside validation. Ultimately, I know that it’s all ME. Once some of the dust settles on the school stuff, I want to take this time off to focus on me and get myself back on track. Part of that will include going to meetings… and doing design work I love, reading books, traveling with the band… and getting a real job to take care of the financial side of my life.

      … also, thank you Jenn. Thank you. <3

  • B

    I can relate to this post 100%, as can most of us out there I’m sure. It’s even harder when you don’t feel like you’re the “pretty sister” but you’re the funny one, or smart one. It’s just not the same. I agree about the being asked out thing too, it’s not always about validation on our looks but just the fact that maybe someone else notices.

    My first time here but I can tell I’ll be back!

    • Erini

      Welcome B!

      Goodness, adding siblings in always throws a wrench into the mix. Luckily for me, all my sisters are a good deal younger–so it helps, but there’s still a good deal of competitiveness. And YES. It’s nice that someone else notices.

Previous post:

Next post: