This is a hard issue for me. I’d like to just ignore it, pretend I’m not dealing with it, and hope it goes away on it’s own. But by the very nature of this particular beast, that’s simply not the case.
I’m having body image issues.
It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time–probably middle school. And the thing is, it’s pretty freaking ridiculous. I’m not a large girl. And I think that makes it really hard for me to talk about this. I’m not a tiny thing, but apparently girls like me aren’t supposed to talk about weight issues.
This is not a simple battle with me. There are days when I feel amazing. I feel beautiful. But just below that confidence is this thing that digs at me–reminding me that I’ve gained weight in the past two years. Reminding me that my clothes are tighter. Reminding me that my stomach is larger/bloated, and it might not be endo.
I went to the doctor a few days ago. It was the first time I’ve been weighed in years. I’ve lived in a no-scale home since high school or middle school. I’ve been eating a lot better this year. I thought I was doing great. But that number was a shock. I had gained 10-15lbs. I realize that might not be much compared to what other people are dealing with, but for me it is.
Now, I’m not just idly bitching. I signed up for MyFitnessPal.com, after my mom recommended it. I’m continuing to adjust my eating habits. And I’m figuring out what sort of physical activity my body is okay with. (Because WiiFit Plus Hula Hoops + Endo = CRAMPS. PAIN. DEATH.) But this is still going to a continual struggle for me. Just because I have the confidence to wear a bikini doesn’t mean I’m completely comfortable with my body.