hunt for the dream job and self worth

Having one of those “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??!?!!” moments, and I’ve seriously started writing and rewriting this post 3 times already.

The thing is, I’m not really having a life crisis or anything. And I’m not really dissatisfied with my life either. More likely, I’m just impatient.

At this point, I know what my passions are. I know what drives me. And for the most part, I know how to get there. The startup culture is huge for our generation. We’re inundated with messages about following our passions and doing what we love. And even more so by people telling us we can earn money from our passions if we hustle enough (and of course, pay them to teach us how)…

It’s like this hunt for the elusive dream job, and that somehow our self-worth is tied up in it. I keep feeling like I should be doing more with my life.

» I have a decent paying job where I’m appreciated and my coworkers aren’t terrible.

» I have a good foundation to a short story collection, and I’m doing well in my writing program. I even have someone who wants to hook me up with a reading at a library.

» I have a decent apartment within stupidly easy walking distance to the beach, a good landlord, and the best furry roommates one could ask for.

» I get to see my friends perform on a weekly basis (currently), and this summer will be my 4th year of getting to go on tour with them.

» And you know what, I’ve got friends who truly care for me and on many, many occasions have brought tears of overwhelming joy.

I’m not really sure what this more is that I’m looking for. And I don’t know if it’s from all these messages seeing with “do more! be more!” or if it’s actually something within me that’s craving some sort of change.

I think once I get a good writing portfolio under my belt, maybe I’ll feel a bit more satisfied. Or who knows, maybe my dream job still is out there waiting to be discovered. But you know, having a job that you don’t hate but isn’t your dream job, something that pays the bills, is still very good and should still be extremely valued.

I think people should still aspire to follow their passions, and people shouldn’t settle. But there’s nothing wrong with a traditional job or a 40-hour work week. I think as long as people are still pushing themselves to grow in some aspect of their lives, and if they have some happiness in their lives, then in my mind they’re winning.

So to whatever internal or external thing is telling me I’m not enough right now: SCREW YOU.