So, my plans are sort of up in the air right now, in a foggy little swirl. It’s so easy to just hem and haw about all the possibilities and fears and not really get anywhere at all. It’s something I’m pretty good at, or at least I feel that way. But despite it feeling like I’m just going around in circles and still not really knowing what I am or even should do with my life… I am actually taking steps to figure it out.
Thinking realistically about my budget: I’m looking into more affordable apartments, not necessarily in Chicago. I do love Chicago, but I’m not sure how long it’s going to be until I can get things sorted out. Chicago’s not a cheap place to live — especially by yourself. So, my mom’s helping me look at places near her. If I’m going to be in limbo, part of me would rather do that closer to my family. I’ll have to get a car if I move, so I’ll at least still be able to drive back and visit Chicago. (But yes, I’m also looking at places further away too.)
Keep at it: I’m still reading. I’m still writing. But I’m also still finding a lot of distractions at home, so that’s something I’m still working on. This is also stirring up some of my desires to move. I just don’t have a good place in my current place where I can just focus. So it’s coming along, just slowly. MFA is still on the table, but still not certain it’s right.
Research: Feeling out all the options. Anything that seems like it might be a possibility, I’m looking into it. The more I know about it, the closer I can get to taking action steps. Also, I can rule out some of the ideas that aren’t for me.
Finding a support network: Talking it out. It’s times like these I feel like I’d be the perfect candidate for life coaching. Heck, I even applied for a year-long group. But that’s totally not in my budget. But I have found that with things of this nature I do better if I’m able to talk through it. So I’m talking with my family, and starting to bring up some ideas with a few friends. Sometimes I just need a sounding board.
Not stressing out: Allowing myself to be ok with some of this uncertainty. I don’t have to have all the answers all the time, and you know, sometimes plans reveal themselves in their own time. I’m not beating myself up over not being sure of what I want to do or how to accomplish the few things I do want to do.
No judging: I cannot hold myself to anyone’s standards but my own. There’s absolutely no reason to compare my life path to that of any one else. I also won’t let anyone else make me feel bad because of their ideas of where my life should be.
Being honest with myself: I know it won’t happen overnight. As much as I wish it would, things like this take time — and work. Which is why I’m starting with small steps now. Big leaps to come.