Lately I’ve had a big question on my mind: Am I proud of my life right now?
Honestly, not really. But the fault really isn’t in the answer, it’s more in the question. Because frankly, I’m not ashamed of my life — so I can’t be doing things that wrong. But does my life feel exciting? Do I feel a sense of purpose? Like I’m accomplishing anything? Eh. No.
It feels like I’m living my life in limbo. And this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Here’s when all the life coaches jump in to tell me to keep pushing forward, to follow my dreams without any hesitations, to not let anything get in my way. But you know, I’ve tried that. I’ve gone after dreams only to fall through the clouds, grasping at air. Because life always happens, like gravity pulling me back down to earth. Sometimes not so gracefully.
Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t let “life” get in the way — because really, “life” or rather just the hard, troubling times, are going to happen regardless. And yes, I’d like to think that I’ve handled these hard times well, and grown and persevered. But yet, I still feel like I’m not really going anywhere. Or if I am, it’s only in circles.
What is there for someone like me to do? I still have dreams, hopes, and aspirations. But with the track record I’ve had at actually reaching anything of the sorts… You have to wonder if it’s the dreams or me that there’s a problem. I realize this type of thinking isn’t productive. If I think I can’t accomplish my dreams then of course I won’t.
It’s a completely overused phrase, but they say to shoot for the moon because even if you miss you might land in the stars. Which honestly is dumb because there are no stars between the earth and the moon. Anyway, I get the meaning of the saying. Go for that seemingly impossible goal, because you still might find greatness near by.
But you know what, I’m not going to shoot for the moon. I’m going to shoot the trees. And once I’m able to break the canopy to see the sky, I’m going to shoot for the hill top — then the mountains. The only thing I know how to do is put one foot in front of the other. To keep going one day at a time, tackling what’s in front of me. The moon may wax and wane, just as my seemingly impossible dreams may change. And maybe I won’t land on the moon, but if I give up now, then I definitely won’t.