liberation and finding my wholeness

5 June 2014

It’s been interesting, the things going on in my mind as I approach 30.

One thing you notice as you grow up, you start seeing these phases in your social circles. Friends marrying off, seemingly all around the same time. And then the babies start coming. But yet, here you are almost on the same path you were when you first met them. Sure, things have changed… but yet, they’re settling into their lives, earning various adulting merit badges — and it can feel like you’re being left behind.

I always thought I’d join in on those clubs too. I’d find an amazing guy, have a whimsical wedding. Maybe we’d have a kid or two of our own, and maybe we’d adopt. I thought I’d have a career figured out. Be putting down roots.

Yet… I’m not there on any of it. And honestly, I don’t know if I care much any more.

My friend Brooke wrote a great piece recently about being whole, and not lacking

It felt radical. It WAS radical. I, an unmarried, childless, twenty-something woman declaring herself whole and complete, not lacking anything. How many times a day am I bombarded with the message that I am lacking? If I don’t find a husband, I will never be secure. If I never have a child, I will never know real love. I’m young, so I am unable to fully understand the world. I’m a woman, and therefore I am not as capable as a man. These are just a few of the messages women like me receive everyday from advertisements, news articles, magazines, blog posts, coworkers, our friends, family and sometimes just random strangers in the street. Yet here I was, not only declaring, but fully believing that I am whole and complete, not lacking anything.

My life is far from complete… but I can be complete without my life being so. I am not lacking.

Brooke is right. It is radical. There is no checklist to complete, no one right path. I cannot waste my life focusing on all the things I appear to be lacking. My life isn’t perfect, my journey has been marred and stained. But it is wonderful in and of its own self. Coming to accept this, to actually believe it… It’s liberating.

I will always continue to push myself further, to strive for improvement and growth and betterment. But as I approach this new decade in my life, I want to celebrate and honor being whole and complete, and not lacking anything.

  • It’s really hard being a young, unmarried and childless woman. Everyone makes you feel like you’re not that interesting or as much of a person if you don’t have a husband or kids. While I’m completely okay with being single, I do wish others were as accepting of my state as I am. There’s a definitely prejudice (at least in my area) against women who don’t show any desire to get married and pop out babies before they’re twenty-five.

    Great post! Embrace the radicalness!

    • Erini

      Thanks Melissa!! It’s definitely hard facing those prejudices! I mean, while I wouldn’t mind having some of those things… my life isn’t any less complete just because I don’t have them yet or may not ever have them. So far it seems my family is supportive of this non-decision decision, which has really been helpful. No “so when are you going to find a guy and start a family?” business happening here! 🙂 SO GRATEFUL.

Previous post:

Next post: