A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I’m going to work towards being healthier. Since starting, I’ve unintentionally strayed from words like “unhealthy” or “dieting”… All more so for my own sort of weird reasons, but basically, to avoid the overly negative connotations that can come with them. Am I the healthiest now? Were my eating habits the healthiest? Well, no, but they weren’t completely terrible either. And for dieting… Well, while I would like to get back to my pre-diagnosis/treatment weight, this is more about feeling better (body) along with feeling better about myself (mind). And it’s for that reason that I didn’t want to post or celebrate about my weight check-ins. I don’t want to promote this idea within myself that I need to lose weight or be a certain weight/size to feel good about myself. I feel good about myself now. And I want to keep that regardless of any number a scale or clothing manufacturer can throw at me.
Anyway. Three weeks done and, you know, I am feeling better in general. I’m not eating just because I’m bored. Nor am I sitting down with an entire pack of Oreos and going to town on it. Overall, I’ve been staying within my caloric limits — with a few exceptions.
If you’ll notice, I completely blew it on the second day (half order of Chili’s cajun chicken pasta — worth it). And I’ve also had a few days of going well under. But I found that when my nausea is up, eating just isn’t something I’m interested in — which make sense. Also: I took that screen cap yesterday after lunch, which is why it looks so low for that last day. And talking about that last week, I’m finding it’s harder to meet my goal minimums now that I’m in school again. Let’s look at my first day of classes:
That was after getting home from classes at about 2-something in the afternoon. I had a pretty good salad that day for lunch and even a cream-loaded iced coffee from Starbucks. But I also walked about 4 miles. Most days I’m averaging 3-3.5 miles. And since all of my classes are in the same building, I’m getting about the same each day, with the main exception being that I head over to the student center for lunch three days a week between classes. I also find I’m not drinking as much water as I was at work. I could get my 8 glasses in at work, but I just don’t stop to drink while in class. So that’s another goal to work on.
I haven’t checked my weight since about the 10th day… so I have no idea where I’m at there. But I will say that the bloating that I experience every. single. day. thanks to my endometriosis is reigning in very well. And that, beyond anything else, has been a win all in its own.
Overall I feel like this is going to help with good habits. However, I am still sort of concerned that I’m going to feel guilty about choosing certain food vs others… and that’s really not something I want. I want to own my actions, and that includes my food actions. And if that means I want the cream-rich pasta sauce or 2 donuts, then no f*cks given. Eat without guilt and enjoy those things. BUT, at the same time, again, not making a habit of eating like that all day every day. That’s where I’ve sort of been in trouble in the past. It’s all about being responsible, but not unreasonable.