It’s not easy being a citizen of the internet. We feel this need to only show our best. To show everyone we have this wonderful, adventurous life. Sometimes, there’s even this unspoken competition between ourselves and others. The jealous game is strong. The imposter syndrome is real.
I definitely fall into it! I read about other people’s lives, see their photos… and all I can think about is “UGH! I want that!” You can spend all your time wishing and hoping you were the star of someone else’s story, but then you miss all the good things in your own.
My life is not fancy. I laugh all the time at my friends who marvel over the food I cook, because they don’t see the hours and hours I waste puttering around my kitchen just trying to figure out what to make in the first place. No one sees the pile of summer/fall laundry I never got around to. The christmas tree that is still standing, though undecorated, in my guest bedroom. Or the copious amounts of cat fur that is on every surface of my home and belongings. I live in east central Indiana, in a college town surrounded by corn fields. A place where people seem confused on the fact that Indiana was never in the confederacy. Where Target is the “hip” place to get things, and your only other options are Walmart, Kohls, or a mostly defunct mall.
I spend most days attempting to keep up with the mountain of reading assigned to me — all the assignments which I’m not having a good track record with the deadlines. Most evenings I’m online watching friends play video games, making dumb jokes, and trying to encourage myself to take breaks so I can get whatever work I have left done. If I’m not doing that, then I’m dealing with some stupid symptom of endometriosis. Most days, this is my view:
We try hard to make it seem like we’re living some great life — something grand and worthy of being on the internet and taking up other people’s time. But you know what, my life, while it does have it’s amazing and adventurous and even grand moments, is mostly simple. I’m doing something I love. I’m in mostly tolerable health. I have amazing friends. My cats. My family. And am currently able to support myself, mostly.
It’s not fancy or glamorous by any means. But it’s mine. And that makes it OK.