999. I’ve been staring at that number for a while now. Watching slowly as the numbers slowly creep up, ever closer. And now, with this post, I’ve reach that long awaited goal: 1000 posts. It’s kind of intimidating, to be honest. 1000 posts. I feel like I should use it on something exciting, something worth while. It’s probably why I’ve been so hesitant to reach this milestone.
I’ve been blogging here since 2008 — but blogging in general on either livejournal or xanga or some crappy geocities/angelfire site since at least 2001. To say I’m a different person from when I first started is a bit of an understatement. In 15 years or 8 years, that was bound to happen. I think it’s with that, that I was kind of hoping I could have some meaningful post. But, honestly, those big, giant epic posts? Those just are me. And though my posts have changed over the years, I feel pretty confident in saying this site in many ways does represent me. Or at least one side of me. While it may not have always been the full picture, I don’t believe I’ve ever tried to misrepresent myself on this blog.
That’s not to say that I haven’t gotten blog envy. I have. And still do. I have and do struggle with finding my blog community. I haven’t found anything like 20SB, and I don’t know if I ever will. Blogging, and the internet community, has changed a lot. However, rather than finding this set community with a nicely branded named and all that… I have indeed found a community — a hodge-podge collection of amazing people on the internet that I definitely value.
Over the course of this blog you’ve seen me attempt careers, attempt writing programs, attempt relationships… You’ve seen me run off with a crazy circus punk rock marching band. Seen me deal with endometriosis. Seen me struggle to try to figure out who I am and what my path is. Through this blog, you’ve been a witness to various parts of my life. And that — witnessing — is a powerful thing.
I do want to be a better blogger. Write about adventures. Take better pictures. To share more. However, I battle with also wanting to simply be present in the moment. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get that balance truly figured out. Especially with more and headier academic work coming my way. But I’m going to try. Because despite things not being perfected and wrapped up in a nice bow, I am happy. It feels strange to have that sort of peace, when other things are so uncertain and I still get feelings of failure. But at least this one aspect of my life — this path, this direction I’m heading — I’ve not had anything feel so right in my life. I’m excited about it. And I want to share it.
So thank you, so very very much for being here. I don’t care whether this is your first post with me, or you’ve been with me for years. Thank you. Here’s to 1000 more!