It’s been 5-6 or so years since my last relationship — the last time I had someone I called my boyfriend. Maybe 4 years or so since I had my heart broken. (Or at least, was treated like shit by someone I cared deeply for.) And probably about the same about of time, ish, give or take a few months maybe a year, since I last kissed someone romantically. However, only a year since my last date.
Despite the fact that yes, I went on 2 dates since moving back to Indiana… I just… Well, I simply just don’t see myself dating much or at all while I’m here. While part of me is a little bummed out — it’d be nice to have that type of companionship again — part of me is also really ok with this. (Especially having no obligations to anyone but myself.) Anyway, here’s some of the reasons on why I don’t think I’ll be dating soon:
- Indiana is a very red state. I always thought I’d be open enough to consider dating anyone regardless of political party alliance, that if we liked each other enough and had other shared interests, we’d get through that part… But, well, in this climate I can’t say that. There’s too many fundamental differences in values that I just can’t see it working. Also, being more conservative, it also brings a sort of backwards-old-fashioned attitude. The whole man should lead the family, pseudo (or blatant) racism and homophobia and bigotry… I know there are liberals here, but trying to peer around all these elephants to find a guy I could get along with… ugh. A lot of work.
- I’m surrounded by college-aged kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’m friends with them. But considering someone 8-to-10+ years younger than me to date? Yeah, I’ve dated that range older than me, but 1) it didn’t work, and 2) it was different. I just don’t see it happening at all. And since that’s the bulk of my social life, or rather just my life in general, meeting people isn’t really happening. A lot of my school friends don’t (or can’t legally) drink, so I’m not at any bars. And I don’t know if the whole meeting people while in some stage of drunkenness is my thing. The only dudes near my age are my brother’s friends — which, NOPE. — or maybe faculty/staff on campus, which, eh, definitely no in my department. Elsewhere, I mean, still tough to find people my age, to be honest.
- I have no clue how long I’ll be here. I know at least 3 semesters. With that last semester kind of questionable on whether it actually will be here — I don’t know where I’ll be doing my thesis research yet or if I’ll be moving for any period of time to do said research. So dating someone who’s established here, when I don’t know where I’ll end up at all, sort of a hard thing to do.
- My health kind of scares people off. Or at least, I feel like it might. Who wants to date a girl whose uterus is slowly trying to kill her? Oh, and I’m on medication that kills my libido, too. It’s been a little weird, because it’s not just I’m not interested in sex, I just don’t register attraction much any more. I can tell “oh hey, that’s a good looking guy” but then it’s just like “oh hey, that’s a good looking guy *goes back to doing whatever it was I was doing and making no other notice of said attractive guy or giving him another thought*… It’s not like, completely off off — sometimes I’m like “I’d like to make out with that person,” but it’s extremely rare.
Now. I’m not completely opposed to dating. I would laugh, in a good way, if after this post the universe put someone into my life. I’d be completely cool with it. But I have no expectations, no hopes, and am spending extremely little (i.e. no) effort on this aspect of my life. I don’t want to be #ForeverSingle, but I just don’t know that I’ll find someone here… it’s still sort of a transient stage of my life — grad school and a career change are a pretty big transition. I love what I’m doing, I’ve got friends, I’m close to family, and I’ve got my cats. Things are pretty good otherwise.
See also: Reasons why I’m single.