I don’t know if it’s the beginning of the month, the Black Moon, my roommate moving out… or a whole host of other things… But I have definitely been in my head a lot this past week with quite a bit on my mind.
One thing that has been nice is setting up the apartment going back to solo living. I’ve almost forgotten just how much space I have in this apartment. So much that I’ve been tempted to sprawl out on the floor. It’s also been nice to pull things from storage and prep things for another round of purging. (Or at the very least, moving them from my room to the now empty closet in the other.)
But as I look around my home… I still find myself longing… remembering things from earlier this summer. My short-lived stay in England. I found a kind of peace there. Even amongst having almost no personal space in my family’s home. For the first time in a while, I found a piece of myself I didn’t know was missing. This sense of comfort and contentment.
I don’t know if I could put my finger on it exactly — what it was about England and English life that just felt so right. The fact that you could kind of walk through any field you want. Or that they don’t really mow wild grasses at all. The lack of exorbitantly large homes with pristine, untouched yards — or equally excessively sized vehicles. It could have been the food. Or the access to good tea pretty much everywhere. A sense of nationalism, or maybe just pride, that didn’t feel toxic. Even the traffic rules were better there.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring some of that sense of England to my daily life here in the states. As of right now, tea and biscuits aren’t quite cutting it. I wonder if maybe it was more a sense of freedom — freedom away from bills, my thesis, my roommate. Just a massive change from everything I had been surrounded by for so long. Maybe that is what I needed more than anything.
I’m here til the end of January. I only have a couple of months to finish and defend my thesis if I plan on graduating in December. I still have no clue what comes next. Where I’ll end up. Maybe if I’m lucky, it’ll be a big enough change to give me a new sense of contentment.