#reverb10: a letter from the 2010 me

I signed up for this thing called #reverb10. A month full of prompts guided to help me reflect on this past year and focus on goals for the next.

December 15: 5 Minutes.
Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Okay, Future Self:  This is all you need to know about 2010…

It really wasn’t the best of years.  It’s okay if it’s memory is forgotten.  What’s important is moving forward.  It wasn’t a terrible year, but it wasn’t great either.  It’s probably best that some of these things be forgotten.

There was stress you don’t need to remember.  Financial hardships you are trying to move past.  Unfortunately, you might still be battling with the medical problem that sprung up half-way through the year and caused you lots of pain.  There was drama that should stay a forgotten memory.  It’s okay that you’ve forgotten these things.  However, just be sure to take the lessons you’ve learned from these trials.

Remember your bandmates and your favorite band nerds — there were fewer concerts you attended during this year, but each one was still great.  Remember joining your sisters on their field trip to the Sears Tower.  Remember awesome visits from Jenn, Jenn, Rebekah, Rachel and Neal.  Remember how beautiful Chrissy looked at her wedding, and how perfect she and Kyle are for each other.  Remember your puppy, even though he left us this year.  Remember the joy of trying new video games.  Remember trying new cupcake places.  Remember the man who never stopped caring about you.  Remember having fun with food coloring and making tie-died cupcakes and turquoise pancakes.

There’s a lot of friends to remember.  A million amazing memories of your wonderful niece, G, to remember.  If you have any chance to remember the good times… Do so.  Because this year wasn’t complete crap, it just had its own dark spots to wash out, cancers to remove, pains to forget.

Continue on, and be strong — because despite how it may feel, you are.

– The 2010 Erini.

#reverb10: Falafel. 2010 needs a Falafel.

I signed up for this thing called #reverb10. A month full of prompts guided to help me reflect on this past year and focus on goals for the next.

December 1: One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Falafel.

That’s my word and I’m sticking to it.  It was the first word, without some sort of deep thinking, to actually pop in my head.  And you know, it sort of fits.  So I’m keeping it.

In Arabic, the word is the plural form of “hot pepper”, but it also holds a different meaning — it’s an adjective…  It denotes “something fluffy”.  In a year full of seriousness, what I’ve needed is my “something fluffy”.

The first part of the year was filled with a new relationship, and all the pain that came from when he ended it abruptly.  It was hard, but thanks to many people, I pressed on.  Then all within a couple months this summer I had moved, started a new relationship (ish), and was hospitalized.  It’s been a whirlwind since then.

I had three big financial hits in a row — with a possible forth looming in unemployment.  I’m still working out the details of a possible lawsuit.  I’m still paying off hospital debt — and still seeing my doctor to take care of this issue.  It’s been a long season of “when will the dust settle so I can actually have my life back and be an adult?”  It’s been a long season of feeling like a failure — and feeling like everything around me was calling me such.  It has been hard.  But, yet again, like aways, I am pressing through.

I have had good things though… amazing friends and great visits from ones I don’t see enough.  As of this weekend, 5 months with an absolutely incredible man — despite whatever confusions we have about ourselves and the relationship, he’s stood by me through everything.  I don’t know where I’d be without his support.  A new job — getting paid to be creative.  I love it.  But, it’s up in the air due to circumstances out of our control — hopefully it’ll all get resolved and we’ll move forward with something better.  We just have to wait and see.  I’ve gotten wonderful surprises from Nintendo through my relationship with them as a Brand Ambassador.  And though I haven’t seen them near enough, continuing my friendship and love for a group of amazing and, let’s face it, damn sexy band nerds.  (Love you Mucca!)

Sitting here now, contemplating the year thus far — it doesn’t feel like a bad year.  It had its hard, very hard times.  It’s own scars.  But we press forward.  That’s what we do.  But if 2011 wants to do me a little favor?  Send me my “something fluffy”…

(I also like how falafel can sound like “feel awful”… which was true for chunks of this year.)