I'm at a loss. …again…

Damn it.  I thought I had this figured out.

I’m questioning my grad school decisions… yet again

I thought I had settled on Creative Writing.  But now that I’ve sat for long enough without completing an application*… I’m starting to wonder if what I want to do is indeed study writing.

I’ve got a lot of interests, and a lot of things I love doing.  How do I know which one to focus on for grad school?  Or, at least, which one do I choose first?  (Hey, I can get multiple Masters…)

One of the biggest issues, Columbia has a few degrees I’m interested in — and you can only apply to one of them.  This past year I applied for what I thought was my long shot, Film.  I was right.  But now I’m wondering if I want Creative Writing or Arts, Entertainment, and Media Management…  Why can’t I have both?  Even if I choose AEMM, which discipline do I choose, because you’ve got to have that figured out before you apply.  Media Management? Music Business Management? Performing Arts Management?  I’ve got interest in all three of those!  And each program only picks anywhere from 3-10 applicants every year.

DePaul is also in the picture.  They’ve got a Masters in Writing and Publishing, and it’s the latter part of that program that interests me.  I’ve really enjoyed working in publishing, and know I could make a good editor.  The idea of starting up a small press just sounds awesome.  But I don’t know much about the program and if it’d be worth my time (and money)…

Lastly, there’s the School of the Art Institute.  I’d be studying writing there.  They’ve got such a great program that really seems to be a good fit for me.  It’s a interdisciplinary approach to writing, incorporating other arts — and it’s one of the few programs in Chicago that has a comics/graphic course.

There are a lot of other schools in the city that I’m sure would have programs that I’d be interested in…. But those are the leading ones right now.  It’s mostly writing programs because that’s what I thought I wanted for the past however many months.  But AEMM has come back into the picture.

I want to teach about wildlife and conservation, write til my fingers fall off, publish new and great writers and illustrators, plan and coordinate events, work with bands I love, document anything and everything on film, get lost for hours writing and designing websites, operate sound and lighting equipment, be on the radio again….

Can’t I just do it all?

*I did apply to Roosevelt, but well, obviously didn’t get in.

damn my indecisive nature

So, I’m doing it again… over thinking and reconsidering my options for grad school.

I’m still very confident that I want to go to Columbia College.  I’m not questioning that.  It’s been more of figuring out which program would be best for me there.

My first thoughts have been the AEMM program.  With that, I thought I’d choose Media Management (MM) as my concentration.  I was happy.  I had made my decision.  And then I started thinking about it.  I wasn’t exactly sure what I could do with an MAM (Masters in Media Management) in MM.  I wasn’t quite sure what I knew of MM at all.  I just knew it was the business side to film, radio, tv, newspapers and magazines.  Well, that could be almost anything.

I also toyed around in AEMM with the thought of Music Business Management (MBM) and Preformance Arts Management (PAM)… MBM was simply because I love audio.  I love live sound, I loved working in the radio business… I just wanted to be with music.  But I couldn’t see myself getting completely passionate about that — at least, not in comparison to my other passion… and PAM, well, that was just because I was a decent stage manager and enjoyed it.

But no.  I know my true passion… and well, if I’m going to get anywhere, I should go with this.
Documentaries.  Wildlife documentaries to be more specific…
I have been an animal nut since I was born.  And, thanks to my dad a lot, I have a decent background in audio/visual which led me to film and broadcast for a while.  And well, I just can’t deny it… I just want to get back into film.  There’s just something about using film in an educational purpose.  I want to travel, to get into communities and work with them on creating educational pieces about their environments for their communities and for the greater population.  I’ve worked on various films and videos since my junior year of high school (2001)…. and in college I worked on two documentaries, one of which won an award (I was the Associate Producer).

Basically now… I’m tossing around between AEMM and Columbia’s Film program… Film school has always intimidated me.  And an old producer of mine adviced against it… but this is a spring board for me to get back into this.  A means for pushing me forward.  I don’t doubt my passion at all.  I just need to find the confidence to pursue this next step.

Associate Producing in South Africa (that day meant boom mic op)
Associate Producing in South Africa (that day meant boom mic op)