#reverb10: I get by with a little help from my friends… (400th post!)

I signed up for this thing called #reverb10. A month full of prompts guided to help me reflect on this past year and focus on goals for the next.

December 16: Friendship.
How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

I couldn’t think of a better topic for my 400th post.

I’ve learned a lot from friends and about friendships this year.  From both sides of the spectrum.  I’ve had people surprise me in both good ways and well, sadly not-so-good ways.  It’s been an interesting year, yet again in terms of friendships.  I won’t be able to capture it all, but I would like to highlight a few* of the positive ones.

I think the person who challenged me the most, in positive ways, would be Josh.  I remember the exact moment we met — I was working in the back of the toy store, in the Thomas section and up walks with pure confidence this attractive guy with hair you just wanted to run your hands through.  Bright eyes and a dazzling smile.  And he was walking straight to me.  It was exactly like the movies.  Within a few weeks we had hired him.  Josh has a great view on the world.  He gets you excited about things, to think about things differently — he expertly encourages you to be curious.  I could have the shittiest day ever, and Josh makes it all better.  He sings, he dances, he plays the ukelele.  He’s amazingly charming.  (Yes, he was fully aware of my crush on him — it was actually a topic of discussion on numerous occasions.)  Anyway, I couldn’t be happier that he’s following his dream — he’s starting a summer camp here in the city.

Of course, I’d be remissed if I neglected my blogging friends — though, well, naming them all would make for quite the list.  But there’s been one friendship that’s grown more this year.  We didn’t meet by chance, we met by Jenn — we were both attending BlogHer ’09 via LobbyCon, so Jenn suggested we hang out.  I owe big thanks to Jenn… maybe a cupcake or two.  But it was through that event that Rebekah and I started our friendship.  I couldn’t imagine watching the World Cup without her.  I completely love and appreciate that she messages me just to check in.  I love even more when she visits — like she will this weekend (and I’m looking forward to fun times with her, her boy, Stacey and Jenny).  She writes, plays Gaelic Football, and is just pretty damn awesome all around — and beautiful.  She’s the type of female friend I love having — I don’t worry about stupid, trivial drama that I’ve known with other females.  And for that, I owe Rebekah a couple cupcakes too — and maybe some shots too.

I’ve been in awe of Rachel‘s design work.  I’m jealous of the adventures Jenn goes on, and that she gets to hang out with Nico.  (I’m also completely jealous of all the Colorado bloggers for having amazing wine-filled get togethers.)  I love seeing people like John and Rachel grow in their photography.  I love Mindy‘s ability to make all sorts of random faces on dailybooth and still look beautiful.  I always blush a little when Brandon reblogs my design posts.  I absolutely love the enthusiasm and support Michelle has for the community.  I am absolutely thrilled for Erin and Rachel and their new babies.  Even though the universe seems to keep us apart, I’m thankful for the humor and laughter LiLu brings.  I don’t miss the job, but I miss Cassandra, Harriet and Mayo.  You’ve heard enough of this, but of course I’m thankful for Chris.  It’s been hard to have so much distance between me and my best friend, but I couldn’t be happier for Chrissy and her new husband Kyle.  I’m grateful that a lack of taxis lead to me meeting Melissa, Sara, and Bryan — and a lack in a date that lead to Chrissy introducing me to Jim so I’d have a dance partner.  I’m thankful for my coworkers who’ve helped make me feel welcomed and like a part of the family, despite all the layoffs.  I’m forever grateful and still love my nerds: Elanor, Mark, Small Ronnie, Paul, Susie, Tabitha, Justin, Ert, Dave, David, David, Greg, Steiny/Batman, Rick, Andy, Andy, Tony, Larry, Nick, Jay, Vanessa, Megan, and all the other nerds and cheerleaders I haven’t named. I’m thankful for Dani, who has never stopped encouraging me and pushing me forward in my writing.  I’m so proud of Neal for cycling across the lower 48.  I’m looking forward to moving closer to Abby, Jess, and Becca.  For my new puppy friend, Sydney (Chris’s dog, rather, his ex’s dog).  And of course, my two little crazy furball kitties, Tuija and Kaija.

I know I’ve left people out.  If I were to list everyone, I’d still be typing past Christmas.  But know, I’ve appreciated all of my friendships.  I know I hermit a lot — I’m quite comfortable being alone — but without my friends my life would be completely dull and pretty much impossible to get through.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Love and cupcakes.

*Few. HA.  I tried… okay, maybe not.  (Drafting this up on 750words.com meant that I was sort of encouraged to keep going and going…)

crying in your cubical. and everything else that's going wrong. (and, oh yeah, things that are going right.. and duck butts.)

The last thing you want to do at your new job is look like the crazy girl.  But there I was, freaking out, crying and shaking and did I mention freaking out?  All in front of someone way more important than me.

To say this has been a hard week, well, honestly, my brain just can’t work out anything clever to say.  This week was completely unexpected and very challenging.  I was hoping I was free from the drama for a little bit… but apparently The Universe has some other plans for me.

I can’t go into details, but there are changes happening at my job.  It’s effecting us all.  However, I support the vision for our company and despite what is going on presently am very excited about said vision.  So basically we have to weather this storm to get to our sunny skies.

Anyway.  Of course drama and stress and the shit that hits the fan doesn’t travel alone.  So there are other things piled up on this too.  So when everything piled up, and then this morning’s bad thing happened… well, I just couldn’t handle it.  I broke.  I became that crazy emotional girl in the office.

But in all of this, I have to stay positive.  (Or as Nico put it, let it all out and start fresh.)  I’ve got to focus on the good things.  So that’s what I’m going to do…

The good things:

  • I have a mystery package.  Well, I don’t have it.  The Bartender has it.  But it’s mine.  I have a slight guess as to what it is… but the anticipation!
  • The very fact that The Bartender rode all the way to the FedEx office for me to pick up said mystery package due to the fact that I’m gone 14-15 hours every day and they do not deliver on weekends…
  • The fact that The Bartender came over for cuddles on the “uber shit hit the fan” day…
  • My kitties, though crazy, are little bundles of furry love.
  • One of my best friends got married this past weekend.  I couldn’t be happier for her.  (I plan a post covering this whole thing… below might be a preview…)
  • Said best friend (Chrizzle) married a coast guard.  Thus even more coasties at the wedding.  In their dress whites.  ….. …. yeah.*
  • I got to dance, a lot, with one of those coasties.  … … yeah.**
  • (Technically I danced with 3 coasties, but one was the groom… )
  • Due to the location of the wedding city’s lack of taxi services on weekends, I made new friends.  They were kind enough to drive me around, do blue bombs*** with me, and just generally be pretty awesome people.
  • My coworkers, boss, superiors… everyone at work… are pretty freaking amazing.
  • As I was riding home tonight, I looked out the train window just as we were passing a small lake.  There were ducks.  Just floating there.  Then one flipped…. Duck butt.  (Small things, right?)

So what’s your positive?  Big or small…

*It was decided by myself and two of my new female friends that coast guards in dress whites should be required at every wedding… or any formal event… or…
**Before I get any “but what about you and The Bartender??!?!” comments… He knew about the dancing.  We also have an understanding.  If I was using facebook’s statuses, “it’s complicated”…  Anyway.  The Coastie lives in Florida.  And who wouldn’t want to dance with an attractive guy in uniform?
***holy wow. SO MUCH SUGAR.

casual encounters: adventures with craigslist

So, apparently Craigslist is getting sued for promoting prostitution

Now, I won’t deny that this is probably going on and is a serious issue… But I’m not also going to deny that I haven’t perused the casual encounters section of craigslist before… or that I’ve posted there myself.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, you should probably know a few things.  When I first moved to the Second City, after my lovely Chrizzle moved away, I decided I needed a bit of a social life.  So I turned towards the interwebs, namely, criagslist to assist me in this.  I posted at least two ads in the w4m section (and for those of you who don’t know, that’s the “I just want a date” area)…  I got a lot of replies… And well, I checked out the m4w section… and by the end of it I had met 4 different guys.  And well, it didn’t work out with any of them

Recently, I’d been getting bored and in between looking for apartments, I started browsing various personal ads.  This eventually resulted in me wandering over to the casual encounters section.  And yes, that is the “I want sex” section.

I can’t say, no I didn’t/don’t want sex.  But I wasn’t actually seeking it there.  I was just browsing.  Window shopping, if you will.  When it comes to sex, I’ve realized it’s really hard for me to have anything causal.  I’m not really one of those one-night stand sort of girls.  I don’t really know if I’m capable of NSA (no strings attached), and you know, I’m okay with that.  Given that besides the fact that sex is fun, the actual biological purpose of it is to procreate and continue the species.. well, I’m not really wanting to do that right now.  So regardless of what ever precautions we might take, I’d like to feel at least somewhat comfortable with the person I’m willing to risk spawning an offspring with.  It doesn’t mean I want to have a baby with them, I just need to be okay with the process.

So when I posted my ad in the causal encounters w4m area, I had absolutely no intentions on meeting anyone.  I hadn’t even intended on replying.  I was mostly curious and wanted to see what kind of response I could get.  Shallow, yes.  I’m okay with that.  Now, I did my.. research.. before posting.  I wanted to see what others were posting in my section, and well, what they guys were posting too.  With the women, there are hardly any ads with pictures.  A very small percentage.  It’s not that women aren’t posting them — though, on average they’ll post them less than men — it’s mainly that any ad with pictures is inevitably flagged for removal.

This was definitely my experience.  I created a new email account just for this sole purpose of the ad.  Then I placed a really short, simple ad with a picture.  I made sure that my face wasn’t shown, and I changed the color of fabrics in the picture.  The only skin you could see was my stomach.  After four replies and only a few minutes, my ad was flagged for removal.  I tried again a day later.  I changed the wording just a little bit… included the same picture… I received over 90 replies in just under 2 hours before my ad was flagged again.  A fair number of these emails included pictures.  It was actually quite impressive how many men out there are willing to send a random stranger a picture of there man-bits.  However, it’s also impressive how many men out there are willing to display their man-bits to the masses in their ads.  Some even include face pictures.  And some of them in my inbox had definitely been posted in the m4w… (If I was going to actually go through with that, there’d be no way I’d want someone who was a frequent poster of casual encounters.)  And it should be noted, that the men’s ads are hardly ever flagged, even the few that included pictures from adult websites.

It was an interesting experiment.  I’ve definitely confirmed that if I really want to get laid, it won’t be that hard for me to find a willing person.  (And I’m not just talking creepy older men either…)  In all honesty, yes, it was a bitchy whorish thing for me to do, stringing those men’s trust along offering something I have no intentions of actually giving.  But really, you sent a picture of your junk to someone you don’t know.  Maybe trust isn’t an issue.

musings on my (internet) dating life.

Ok.  Well.  I sort of feel the desire to say that, in reference to my previous post (see here: iCrush), that I am not “very much in love” with anyone.  I am infatuated, curious, and ensnared by their display of online attractiveness.  I just happen to like the word “smitten”… (and for that matter “smite” and “smote”… )  I also happened to enjoy looking at various males’ profiles on various websites.

While I wouldn’t consider myself a pro at it by any means, I have been a member of some various internet dating site for about 8 years now.  And yes, if you do the math, that meant that I was under the age of 18 when I signed up for my first account… But hey, I did find my date for my junior prom so, it wasn’t so bad.  And I did tell him my real, younger, age before meeting in person.  Now, eight years ago, that was probably a pretty dumb thing for me to do.  Things have changed a bit, and it’s become marginally more acceptable.  My mom uses online dating sites, as did my dad to find my new stepmom, and my cousin who just got married found her husband thanks to eHarmony.

Every site is a bit different, and each will draw their own crowd.  I personally stick to sites that don’t require me to pay for anything.  Maybe if I was actually desperate to be in a relationship, or to get married, I might… but even though I’m on these sites, I actually have very low expectations of meeting people, or at least meeting people that I’ll actually end up dating.  Like I said, I like looking at various males’ profiles (okay, mainly their pictures), but I also like getting emails from various males most of which reminding me how attractive I am.  Even if I am in no way remotely even attracted to them, it’s still nice to hear.

I actually have met some pretty interesting people from the most recent site I’ve been on.  Well, actually, I met one person who introduced me to a lot of other people who are also on that site.  And then I met one who was either having a bad night or, well, not that happy of a person…  And then there was the Virginian… But out of all the emails I get, a small handful are worth responding to.  And lately I feel pretty lucky that there’s been a couple who… well, I smile quite a bit when I see I’ve got a message from them in my inbox.  And really, there’s one in particular that I wouldn’t mind meeting offline one of these days.

I will admit, it is sort of an odd thing.  Chrizzle and I have discussed this.  When you meet someone online, you tend to want to develop things quickly, or at least, more so than if you had just met in person maybe.  That all it takes is a couple emails and then you’re ready to not only meet this stranger in person but probably also do a little bit of making out and maybe more…

The sites are fun, and do provide entertainment (especially during the lulls at work)… but I think they can be terrible replacements for an interpersonal relationship.  However, I never can quite convince myself to delete my account.

bffs for life.

First, yes, I understand what “bff” means, and yes, I mean forever for life.  That, and I find it humorous when tweens and teens say such things.  I think I’ve actually heard/read “BFFs Forever!” … yeah.  We’ve got some winners out there in the up-and-coming generations…

Anyway.  I do want to talk about one of my BFFs.
Personally, I think the idea of having just one best friend for your entire life, well, very challenging and I’m not actually opposed to having more than one “best” friends.  However, I will say, that in the past couple years, a wonderful person has come into my life and frankly I love her.

We’ve definitely got our differences, but I like to think we balance each other pretty well.  And even though we don’t see each other regularly, due to geographical distance, and because of all the psychoticness happening in each of our lives we haven’t been able to keep in touch much… but really, I know regardless of that if I need her, she’s there… and the same goes for her, I’ll be there for her through anything.  And I have been there through many things… and well, she knows practically all the drama I’ve been through and the good times too.

She’s an amazing woman who I not-so-secretly wish would move back to the city purely for my own selfish reason.  She’s a lot stronger than she knows and most of the guys she’s been with haven’t deserved her…

This is what best friends are for… someone you can count on, share every intimate detail of your life with, and just enjoy the simple things with.  (Honestly, that’s what an ideal partner/spouse should be too.. ‘cept you can make out with them without all the awkwardness.)  As I continually grow older, furthering my decline into adulthood (ok, it’s not that bad), I’ve come to realize how much I value this relationship.  That as other friends move away and slowly fade out of my life, that I’ve still got this person — this awesome person who can still be a part of my life even if she lives hours away.

I’ve always had a pretty large social group.  I was part of a 22-person dinner reservation for my senior prom… And in college I continued having vast and varied friends… It’s something I enjoy.  But it’s been great having this one person with me a long the way.  I mean, who else would listen to me ramble on for an hour or more about some new crush I have on a guy I don’t even know the name of…

So… to this… I decided a little musical tribute would be nice… and well, I figured out of anyone she’d get, understand, and find the same amusement in this song as I do.

Hello Saferide - My Best Friend

Chrizzle.  i hearts you.

where Chrissy and Rini babysit…

Chrissy’s visit was all too short.
It was great, but she had some things to do at home…

The concert was great… an amazing number of attractive guys there.  It was also a really interesting line up… all 4 bands were a bit different… and they were all somewhat enjoyable in their own measure.  Personally, I liked the last two — Munroe and Bottle of Justus (who we, aka Chrissy, were there to see).  At one point early on in the night, Chrissy had given me some numbers to store in my phone in case her batteries died… and well, thinking I was texting one of her other friends we had met up with that night, I accidentally texted on of the guys in BOJ.  Oops.

Now, onto the matter of the friends we met up with there… three guys… They started out hanging with us… and then as the night continued we saw less and less of them… well, we saw them, but not with us and not coming towards us… They had found some entertainment in the forms of some blondes.  Whatevs.  I was mostly miffed because I had hoped they would have bought us drinks that night…  Chrissy was pissed for other reasons, and rightfully so.  Anyway… they boys drank, a lot. .. One of them even got tossed out… which we didn’t know until we found him outside after the concert… They were in no shape to drive anywhere… so we took their car, and I graciously allowed them to crash at my place.  (On the drive there, two of them vomited out of the car… while we were driving…)  Luckily they didn’t trash my place.

It was just sort of sad.  Even though I had just met these guys, and indeed they did ditch us to chase some tail, I could tell that there’s potential for quality there.  For a group of guys nearing 30, well, the drinking to excess isn’t a turn on at all… and no 20-something wants to babysit you, though we did.  If they would get their acts together, get their lives in order, well… then at least one of them would be a quality guy and a sweetheart… right now, with the drinking, flirting/ho-ing, and obnoxious comments and teasing, they’re heading into the land of Douche Bagia.  (Heck, well, I don’t know them well enough, they’re probably there already.)  But at least they have the potential to be something better… and hopefully they do so…

I know I sound judgey.. and yeah, I guess that’s what I’m doing.  But it’s disappointing when people don’t recognize the good in themselves  and become so self-absorbed into this image they think they need.  It makes you take a step back and look at yourself.  How into an image am I?  Is it even a proper representation of who I am?

Oh, House of Blues doesn’t allow camera… so I didn’t get a picture of my outfit like I promised.  It was a black and white, sheer halter top… I wore a black cardigan with it for part of the night…

wardrobe malcontent

In a few hours my lovely Chrissy and I will be making our way into the city for a night of giggling, drinking, and flirting (though not with each other on that last one)… I’m not the only one with friends in a band who’s got a concert tonight (Mucca Pazza is playing the Empty Bottle tonight), she’s become acquainted with members of Bottle of Justus and so we’re going to see them at the House of Blues.

Originally I thought I’d wear my white dress shirt with my suit vest (as seen here: this wench…), but well, now I’m not sure.  Chrissy’s got a hot top she’ll be wearing — sophisticated, yet flirty and sexy… it’s going to be awesome… But I’m not so sold on my vest.

I’ve looked through the various photos I have of me, mostly from my vanity album on facebook (which is mostly the same pose with different outfits)… and well, I still can’t settle on an outfit.  Just a top to wear with jeans.  That’s all I need.  And I’m half tempted just to throw on a fitted tshirt (something like my hurly, DC, volcom or other brand/style of that nature) and wear my pink and black checked faux fur-lined hoodie.  I love wearing clothes like that, and I do look hot in them, but well… maybe I’m looking for more than just damn cute tonight.

When it comes to my wardrobe, I’ve got my various tees, loungewear, dresses, hoodies, basics/casual, and work wear.  I’m definitely missing the whole “party/bar/club” aspect to it.  If I had truly noticed this before, I might have attempted shopping before tonight.. but well.. honestly, though I know I can pull of the whole club look, it’s not really me.  Granted, as Dani would point out, I’m a gemini and therefore crazy with multiple personalities/sides and maybe the club scene could be me… meh.  Who knows.

Basically, I need to scour my closet (and floor) for some sort of top I can be satisfied with tonight.  With any luck, Chrissy will be home when I get there and can assist in my mission.

Pictures by Monday with what I finally decide to wear.

Buy U a Drank, aka Chrizzle's visiting!

so today’s the day I’ve been waiting for…  months, waiting for months… or at least a hell of a long time.

My rockstar, Chrissy, is coming to town!

She left the city a while ago… way back in 2007… and went off to pursue her MSW… which should hopefully be complete this year.  And now, it’s my task to convience her to move back to the city, and more importantly, to move in with me!
While some people don’t recommend close friends living together, Chrissy and I have discussed this and think we’ll work things out pretty well.  If she doesn’t decide to come back, then well, I’ll be mighty lonely and out a roommate.

But forgetting all of that for a moment!  She’s arriving tonight! And of course I’m freaking excited about this.

Not sure what’s planned for tonight… but Andy T, a friend from Reading Band, is having a show tonight… so that’s an option… Tomorrow we’re going to go see her friends in Bottle of Justus play at the House of Blues… and then sadly, Chrissy’s leaving me on Saturday…  (Sunday, Dani and I are going to meet up with a friend or two of hers and hit the Green Mill for a poetry slam.)

Anyway.  work work work.  Hopefully I can get Chrissy to come in tomorrow for a bit so she can meet the girls (Dani, mjjb, and Neemer)… and maybe distract me from my tasks for a bit…

damn it feels good to be a gangster

or: Things I Am Thankful For 2008


1. Lil G
Most adorable niece ever.  Seriously.  She never ceases to amaze me, and is a pretty smart little girl.  I just want to spoil her, more so than she already is.  Plus, she gets bonus points for knowing all of the words to Rhianna’s “Umbrella” — as tired of the songs as you might be, it’s so worth hearing over and over again with this amazing 3 year old singing.

img_48282. My Momma
If you’ve ever wondered where my dorkiness comes from, yeah here’s it is.  All from mom.  She’s perfectly okay with it too.. which is awesome.  She feels the need to let me know whenever she sees a monkey, and is constantly sending me Get Fuzzy comics or lolcats.  And while some moms steal their children’s instruments because of the noise… my mom stole my electric guitar and my electric bass (which I stole from my brother) so she could play them.  Every Sunday she rocks out in her church’s praise band.. and yes, she does jump and play barefoot.  Pretty awesome for a grandma.

timmy3. Timmy!
Despite the typical older brother things (see: punching, headlocks, wrestling, cracked noses), my brother is really important to me.  I mean, yeah.  (see: the wench)  I still look up to him a lot.  And if I’m going to go shopping with anyone, Timmy is among my first choices.  I like his style, and he tends to find good things for me.  I don’t always agree with things he’s doing, or some of his choices… but I love my bubby.  And hopefully within a year’s time we’ll have similar tattoos (cherry blossoms).

family4. Dad, Cynthia & the girls
Actually.. I want to say, I am amazingly thankful for Cynthia.  She is a blessing to our family.  Other than Karen, my late stepmom, I can’t think of another woman to join our family and help raise my sisters.  Her humor works really well with dad’s — so that’s been great for him.  She’s well traveled, and sees the importance of a good education and higher education (meaning my sisters might be convinced to go to college even more so). She’s taken on a lot — never been married and now she’s got 4 girls at home, two adult children and a grandchild.  She’s pretty amazing in my eyes.  And as always, I’m thankful for the love and care that my dad gives me.  And I’m growing to appreciate my younger sisters more and more.

5. Family in general
My whole family is awesome — and I’m thankful for all of them… all of the grandparents (5 grandmas and 4 grandpas)… the aunts and uncles… all the cousins… I’ve got a pretty awesome and very supporting family and that’s been amazing.

6. My job
While I could do without the data entry and some of the tediousness.. I am indeed thankful for a full time job with benefits where not only am I paid well, but I’m appreciated.  I’ve got a boss who’s really understanding and actually is concerned about me and my goals outside of the facility.  Not many people are this lucky right out of school.  Plus, having a nice income with few bills.. well… my wardrobe, entertainment, and video game budget has definitely increased.  (I get to play with lasers and liquid nitrogen. bonus.)

7. The amazing group of people I call my friends
Seriously.  I feel pretty lucky.  I don’t even think I could name them all.  There have been a select few who have really been there for me and have seen me at my best and worse, and yet they still love me.  Two in particular I practically see as sisters now: Chrizzle and Mennogirl.  They’re pretty amazing.  And I’ve got my uber spectacular group of GC Kids whom I love and miss.  There’s my work friends (George whom I enjoy our evening walks to the train; and Dani and Meaghan who can only be described as wonderfully zany).  Topping everything off with some really amazing people who I’ve met recently — most of whom I’ve met thanks to Dan and Adam… The potluck group… The awesome folk of the reading band and the Mucca Pazza memebers I’ve been lucky enough to get to know… I’ve really got an amazing group of people in my life right now.  (Who else would put up with velociraptor attacks and nonstop dorky nerdom?)

8. The Kits.
Crazy as they may be… I love Tuija and Kaija.  They are just awesome little wonderpets.  Psycho little wonderpets sometimes… but awesome.  Two kittens are a bit much, but it wouldn’t feel right only having one of them.  Definitely a package deal.  And I’m appreciating how they’re morphing into cats and are enjoying a good cuddle.

9. Buffalo/Hot wings.
you taste so good.  there needs to be more of you in my life.

home, bittersweet home….

I moved to the Second City in June 2007.
I decided to move in May… I had thought about it before, but well, Chrissy sort of pushed that to a firm yes.  I think it may have taken me two weeks to find an apartment, sign a lease, and then move in to said apartment.

I was in Edgewater for about 9 months.  3 of those months I was an unemployed hermit.  I only left my apartment for food about once every two weeks.  Occasionally I’d head off to the library.  Mostly I stayed home in my 11 x 15 studio with one window.
This really wasn’t a healthy situation for me.

Eventually I found gainful employment, and due to Steph’s marriage, was asked to move to Evanston with live with Becca, Mennogirl, and jrosei.  There’s two apartments, one on 2nd (mine) and one on 3rd.  I actually only live with Becca.

There are a few things I didn’t know about when I moved… The deposit was huge.  My half was huge.  It was more than my buy-out fee for ending my lease 15 months early (never, never get a 2 year lease).  Also, the rent was really cheap, but this was because our building is considered low income (or something near that).  I knew it was a co-op, and that we’d own a share in the building.  This means attending meetings, assisting with work days, monthly cleaning, and basically being proactive as apart of the building community (as well as planning to be there for a bit longer term).

I acknowledge that I’m a difficult person to live with.  I have my quirks.  And apparently, I have some sort of mild OCD-neurosis when it comes to the kitchen — the fridge mainly.  However, Libby’s assured me, this isn’t a mental quirk, this is normal.
Anyway… moving into this apartment was definitely a healthy and good decision for me.  Since Chrissy moved away, I really needed to be around people.  More so than just work.  So moving in with “the girls” was a good thing for me.  We’d all gone to college together.  Mennogirl, jrosei and I lived in China together.  I knew Becca, but well, honestly we never hung out in college.  Living with her has been the first time for me to really get to know her.  There have been some challenges — again, this is me acknowledging I can be a difficult person to live with.

With my decision to attend grad school, I decided that I want to move closer to that campus and have a longer commute for work.  (Grad school would be in the loop, work is on the northern side of the Northern Territories.)  All of the girls, Libby now included (Mennogirl moved down the alley and Libby moved in), knew I had planned on moving for school.  My goal was to convince Chrissy to come back to me and we could live together.  This is still in negotiations.

Anyway.  With the uncertainty of who I’ll be living with, I at least have the neighborhood picked out.  Right now I’m focusing on moving down to the Southern Lands of Pilsen.  Weiss, who lives there, is assisting in finding some reasonable dwellings.  Since Chrissy is being all academic at grad school now, if she were to come back it would be in June.  However, after more talks with a handful of people, and more time spent down south, I have been toying with the idea that if for some sad reason Chrissy won’t move back, then I’d be willing to move in March.

I hadn’t mentioned this to my current roommate until last night.  I didn’t feel the need to add stress when I really don’t have any of the details worked out.  I only told her last night because I just now found out that she will be quitting her job in January and at this point doesn’t have a plan other than to just find work elsewhere.  With this information, it felt wrong not letting her know.

Anyway… without letting this post get too long… I’m having an interesting time dealing with this whole living situation.  I enjoy the girls, and there are a lot of aspects about the apt that I like.  However, I won’t deny that this hasn’t necessarily been my ideal situation.  It is definitely better than where I was at in many ways.  I’m becoming ready to move on.  But as my excitement builds, I feel this dragging guilt.  That in some ways I’m a bad person for moving.  That I shouldn’t feel so happy to be moving.

It’s my personal decision to move, and I have multiple reasons.  I’ve had a small handful of people telling me to move to Pilsen for well over 6 months now.  And while I realize that my move will change things, and put Becca into a situation she probably doesn’t want to be in — everything’s sort of raining on my parade.  I’ve been in a rainy (and hail-y) parade.  It’s no fun.

It’s hard to know where to be.  I don’t want my roommates to feel that I am abandoning them.  I realize it’s probably hard for them to be supportive of me and excited with/for me when it’s going to bring new challenges to them.  But, with risking sounding too selfish, I need this change.  The Northern Territories were good for me, but I’m ready to get back into an active social life — just an active life all together.  The kittens and I are ready for a new phase.