freelancing, hacking, California, and cutting off more of my hair.

  • I started freelancing last week… Web Dev(elopment) for 40 hours a week. Sort of intense. And I’m just doing front-end stuff. (You know, making the designer’s work actually look pretty and function and all that…) Not sure how full-time uber web developers, like Nico, do it. Site’s gotta go live by the end of the week/first of October.
  • I leave for California is 6 days. OMG 6 DAYS. We’re driving out there from Chicago. So that’s like 2 days, in a shuttle/tour bus, with the Muccas. Each way. (This is one of those: I wish I had an iPad moments. Movies on my gimpy laptop are not as awesome. It has zombie pixels.) It’ll be an awesome trip and I’m looking forward to visiting the west coast. If you’re in/near San Francisco, Visalia, LA, or San Diego… you should come check out one of our shows. (Especially the LA day show–we’re at Tour de Fat, a free festival by New Belgium Brewery. Beers & Bikes, people. It’s awesome. And free.)
  • I cut my already short hair shorter. Or rather, I went back to the place that does the $5 student cuts, and they were booked… The salon they recommend started at $53 for a cut. So I said F that and went to Haircuttery. $15 in and out. With a fohawk no less.
  • Styling a fohawk on one’s own, not that easy. Especially if you over think it! Hence the headband today (which, yes, starting to give me a headache, again). Also: these things are not glasses friendly.
  • Attempting girly-fication via nail polish. So far, out of all the colors I actually like… this purple is the easiest for me to deal with when it comes to actually wearing. Still feels weird and I keep stopping myself because OMG SOMETHING ON MY FINGER… then I realize it’s nail polish. Yeah. Seriously have a hard time wearing this stuff. But the purple so far, has been the easiest.
  • Lastly, but definitely still super awesome: I’m the new segments editor over at Twenties Hackers. Which, if you haven’t checked out that site, you definitely need to! My first post is here: Just a little crush… –and you don’t want to miss it because it’s talking about something I might not talk about on Adorkable for a while. A long while. (What? Rini’s not going to talk about boys here?! .. yeah, I know. Trying something different.)

on trying to feel pretty…

Self-esteem is a touchy subject. I’ve had some struggles with it—like pretty much every other woman I know. However, just because “we all go through it” doesn’t make it any less of an issue.

For the most part, I’ve been too busy to be distracted by these things. But they still sneak in. And I’ve noticed that since I cut my hair, it’s been coming up a bit more. I don’t feel like I can just get up, get dressed, and go out the door. I feel like I have to primp and fuss over my hair. I’ve been wearing eyeliner almost every day I leave the house. Even picking out outfits is more of a challenge—I’m afraid of not coming off as feminine and thus not being pretty.

I know. I know, I know, I know. In the grand scheme, it’s dumb. But when I cut to the chase, I still have issues with feeling pretty and attractive.

I don’t need a boyfriend to survive, but it’d be nice to be asked out on a date. I know I seem to jump from attraction to attraction… but in all honesty, there are only a very small number of guys I’ve been truly caught up on. It’s sort of in my nature to talk about or at least mention “oh hey, he’s cute.” It’s ended up sort of labeling me as “boy crazy.”

I just want my confidence back. It’s not completely gone. It’s just not as stable as I would like.

the one where I kind of gush about a few things.

It’s May?  Wow, it’s May.  Hard to believe.  As I’ve already mentioned, school keeps me really busy.  On top of that, I’m trying to find a job and figure out tuition*.  And as you can probably guess, I’m loving every crazy minute of it.

If you want to see some of the things I’ve been working on, check it out on Adorkable Design.

I feel like I could ramble on and on about school things.  It’s pretty much my life right now.  (If I didn’t need a job right now, I wouldn’t get one — being able to dedicate myself and my time 100% to school would be amazing.  It’s just not feasible for me.)  But rather than go on and on with OMGILOVESCHOOL, here are a few smaller things that are going on….

  • You know that whole “how did it become May?” thing? Yeah, that means my birthday is coming up very soon.  And I have no plans.  Other than a 10am class, and maybe a 6pm class which might get rescheduled for that night.  But no official plans — although someone’s expressed interest in my need for a party/that partying will happen.
  • This month I’m going to be in a dance video.  Yep.  I’ve got my favorite nerds to thank for that.  (And yes, I am thanking them because I’m super excited abou this!)
  • Um, guys… I like someone.  And I’m pretty sure he knows given that I asked him out yesterday.  No actual date plans, as he’s pretty busy, but as he said, we’ll figure something out.  Over the past month we’ve gotten to talk and hang out a lot, and as I’ve gotten to know him I just don’t think I stood a chance.  He’s creative, smart, funny, nice, and well, yes, hot.  … And even if nothing comes of this, I’ve really enjoyed his friendship and would love for that to continue regardless.  But yeah, that’s all I’m going to say right now.
  • Okay.  More school gushing.  I love my classmates.  There’s maybe only one or two people in my quarter I don’t talk to or haven’t gotten to know.  And I know in groups not everyone is going to get a long… but these people are great.  Even though we spend so much time together in school, we still want to hang out afterward.  That says something.
  • I’m finally getting the last of my stuff next week!  This means my rain boots (which are a few weeks too late), my spices, and more excitingly, a very enthused package that got sent there instead of to Chicago.
  • I have some part time/freelance job stuff coming up that I am super excited about.
  • My last freelance job went live today.  Go check it out: 20sbsummit.com.  I did the graphics and built the body of the site — someone else finished it up from there (since I had the Seattle trip and school all happening at once).  But yeah.  It’s awesome having my work out there.
  • It looks like my exchange sister is going to spend a couple days with me next week.  It should be interesting.

So yeah.  That’s my life right now.  What’s going on in your life??  I feel so disconnected to everyone not at school.  So tell me!  What’s going on with you??

*I actually have some exciting plans for this… news coming hopefully next week!

BOYS.

So, as you may have noticed, there seems to be a small handful of guys in my life right now.  I can understand how it can get confusing if you’re attempting to follow along/live vicariously through me.

So, here’s short little list, with a wee bit of a description, to help.  I’m not going to go into too much detail into the identities of these men.  This is basically just a brief overview, a primer if you will, of the guys… (be they someone I’ve gone on dates with or just a current crush)

  • The Boy — he’s a science teacher, gymnastics coach/former gymnast, and drummer.  He’s very pretty.  Yes, we’ve had some not so awesome moments, but… I like him.  Not very much of a cuddler, nor that into cupcakes.
  • The Musician Snuggles — I’ve had a terrible time thinking up of some sort of alias for this dude.  But Snuggles will work. He’s probably just as much of a physical/physically expressive person as I am.  (Snuggles -> snuggling…)  He’s creative and talented, and lordy do I find him sexy.  (He sang for me.)  Not only does he like cupcakes, but has suggested we go on cupcake dates.
  • The Banker — well, um, probably a bit obvious here, but I’m okay with that.  He’s nice and I’ve enjoyed getting to know him.  It makes depositing my paychecks even more enjoyable.
  • The whole foods dude — also a little obvious, but there are a lot of guys who work there.  He seems nice, but I never really get to talk to him.  I also don’t want to be that creepy girl who always waits to go through his line every time…  but he’s cute.
  • The swell guy — I’ve known him for almost a year now.  He’s still pretty awesome, but since he’s not in the city, well, we mostly just talk online or text.  He asked if I would be his text lover.
  • The neighbor — not really seeing much of him any more.  But he lives close by….  He’s nice and all, but like pretty much every guy I’ve ever been interested in, he’s really busy.
  • Jeff — we haven’t met in person yet, but we’ve been talking on and off for over 2 years now.  He’s great.  and trying to take over my comments section here on wench.  He doesn’t live in the city, but close.

There’s the line up.  I trust you’ll ask if you’ve got questions/think I’m missing someone/want more stores.

knowing when and backing off

I’ve mentioned it a few times, but when it comes to dating I’m a fairly forward girl.  Most of the time, I’m not shy about telling a guy that I like him.  However, sometimes, I can come on a little strong.  And that’s what I’m attempting to work on.

(Wait, didn’t I write about this not that long ago?)

In my past, I feel like there has been a good handful of guys who I’ve somewhat scared off because of the whole “holy crap I really like you” thing I tend to have going on…  After feeling so comfortable and so great with one person, I tend to want to know what’s going on.  I want some sort of definition or declaration of what our relationship is.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I definitely bring that subject up a bit too early.

I’m having to rewire my mind to try to avoid the pink fluffy brain goo.  I want to be able to enjoy being with someone and not getting caught up in the whole mess of trying to figure out what’s going on.  No, I don’t really know how it goes from “I’m sort of seeing someone” to “this is my boyfriend”… but I really need to stop being concerned with that.  It will happen, and it will happen when it’s ready to happen.

It’s a lot easier to tell myself to stop, calm down, and breathe than it is to do just that.  But when it comes down to finding that one person who I really want to be with, I need to prepare myself to try not to muck things up the best I can! I seriously don’t want to be the crazy girl!
(Luckily I’ve got a very Lovely friend who seems to be willing to take on the crazy task of keeping me in check!)

I'm trying…

This past year, as you may have noticed, I’ve gone on this sometimes exciting, sometimes painful ride of relationships…  I believe the phrase I used was an “endless cycle of doom and woe“…

Also, as you may have noticed, I’ve recently developed this… fondness… for a certain fellow.  So, obviously I’ve been excited — still am.  However, as I mentioned at least once, I’m just slightly aggressive when it come to pursuing guys…  I’m not all that shy about showing a guy that I’m interested.

Frank and I have gotten through the “I like you, you like me” part.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome.  But um, now — now I’m just trying not to overwhelm him with that fact.  (I’m sorry if I have, Frank.)  It’s hard, though, because the pink fluffy brain goo is convinced that Frank is the most awesomest person in the world right now.  And the pink fluffy brain goo can be loud sometimes.

So far, I’ve tried to distracted myself with these:

  • The Guild
  • Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog
  • Firefly
  • Farmville on Facebook (already bored of it)
  • Pirates of the Caribbean (just started #1, will continue on to 2 & 3)
  • My journal (you know, bound, with paper…)

Soon… I think I might move on to video games… Yoshi’s Island, Super Paper Mario, Mario Kart, Mario Galaxy, Super Mario Party and maybe a little Guitar Hero too…. (Notice a trend in my games?  Feel free to donate others for the cause.)  Anyway.

I like him, and I want to see where this can go.

hold up, did yesterday actually happen?

Okay, so I know yesterday was 09-09-09…. but did that account for the awesomeness yesterday, or did yesterday just rock?

1. Beatles Rock Band came out. I almost feel like I’ve been raised on the Beatles.  My mom has been a fan for ages (hell, that’s her generation.. ish), so being a small child and having Beatles paraphernalia around the house was nothing unusual.  Beatles mugs, throw blankets, sheet music, VHS movies… Soon it turned into figurines, a music box figurine, a Linda McCartney photograph, and numerous tshirts.  Oh course we had a lot of the albums on CD too, and I started getting their movies on DVD for my mom.  Last year? Beatles Monopoly.
So, I can’t afford Beatles Rock Band just yet — and yes, I’d want the complete set, all the guitars and everything.  But I’m hopeful that one day it’ll be in my home.

2. I ate a bacon cupcake. Seriously.  Okay, so it’s a buttermilk spice cupcake with maple syrup infused in it, with a maple buttercream frosting, and caramelized bacon on top.  I’ve seen these at Phoebe’s all summer, and two of my friends had tried them on cupcake dates.  But Lovely and I had steered towards the other ones (mostly the weekly specials).  But I was going on a cupcake date with a dude who’s pretty much obsessed with bacon.  If it came to bacon or sex, I’m not sure which he’d choose.  But yeah.  I ate a bacon cupcake, and it was good.

3. I met another blogger. I had heard little bits about this person, Frank of Frank (Slept Here), via his older sister Rachel.  I didn’t know much about him, other than how to destroy him and um, yeah, this kid likes bacon.  My first interaction with him was one of the weekly Mario Kart games… I seem to remember hitting him with multiple red shells… right before he tried to cross the finish line.  It was kinda awesome.

4. I made out with said blogger.  Hehe.  Um.  Yeah.  Also awesome.

So yeah.  That whole, “I sort of have a little bit of a crush on someone… and I honestly don’t care if it develops into anything” thing, um.. totally lying.  Very happy dinosaur right now.  Frank’s pretty awesome.

I woke up this morning and just sort of pondered over all of that… Did it really just happen?  But well, given the messages in my inbox, I’m sure it did.  And well, if anyone wants to, um, donate, a complete Beatles Rock Band set (or hell, any part of it — beggars can’t be choosers, right?)… You know where to find me… (At Jenn’s playing her copy! or, oh yeah, enjoying some time with a bacon-loving guy…)