Yes, I meant that in every way you’re thinking of right now. In a continuation of my Wench’s Guide to Relationships (or lackthereof), I figured it was appropriate to talk about balls and getting them.
I don’t know where it came from, but at some point, probably after high school, I let go a little and just decided to approach guys. I don’t remember being aggressive in high school, but well, I did have 12 “boyfriends” before college. Maybe Sean, “the ex” and my only college boyfriend, was the first to acknowledge that I was a tiny bit aggressive in letting him know I liked him.
He was involved in theater, doing awesome techie stuff, a computer science major, played viola in orchestra, oh, and he had chops and a blue mohawk. Nerdy little me was smitten quick. So what did I do? I rushed into his room, giggled, and threw a rubber squeaky albatross at him and rushed out. (Only to sheepishly come back to ask for my bird.) A few days to a week later we were down by the dam sitting and talking, eventually with my head in his lap. And that’s when he said, “So Erini, what the fuck?” Yep. That’s how he asked me out.
Since then, well, I haven’t quite taken Sean’s approach, but I have just gone for it. I’ve made out with dudes (sober and not so much). I’ve directly asked what was going on or if they wanted to go out on a date. I’ve got to say, it does sort of freak some guys out. Which is sad. Dudes, if a girl asks you out or shows interest in you take it as a compliment and don’t think she’s trying to emasculate you. Yeah, I like being pursued too, but I’m okay initiating things.
I took my friend Adam’s phone from him and programmed in my number — this was when we first met and just after we spent some time making out. I invited Snuggles* The Musician over (which is how we started being more than friends and starting seeing each other). I’ll dance with guys, I’ll flirt with them, and I’ll make out with them. Hell, last night, I even emailed the Cute Banker and asked him out!
It may seem like I’m just jumping out there taking risk after risk. But they’re sort of calculated. I’m not completely terribly impulsive. I think about things, mull them over, talk about it, and then decide to just do it. I think about the different possibilities, decide if it’s something I want, then I go for it. The worse that can happen is he’ll say no. If he says any worse than he was definitely not worth it and I can move on very quickly.
I also need to acknowledge my support group too. I’ve got some Lovely and Awesome women who have helped me through so much of this pink fluffy brain goo crap. They aren’t the only two gals I go to, nor do I just go to women for dating advice. But the key is to have at least one person there to help you through this — and really, all other things in life.
Talk with your support group, think it over. Take a deep breath, then just go for it. It does get easier with time. Though I can’t say the butterflies and the pink fluffy brain goo gets any easier to deal with.