Yes, I meant that in every way you’re thinking of right now. In a continuation of my Wench’s Guide to Relationships (or lackthereof), I figured it was appropriate to talk about balls and getting them.
I don’t know where it came from, but at some point, probably after high school, I let go a little and just decided to approach guys. I don’t remember being aggressive in high school, but well, I did have 12 “boyfriends” before college. Maybe Sean, “the ex” and my only college boyfriend, was the first to acknowledge that I was a tiny bit aggressive in letting him know I liked him.
He was involved in theater, doing awesome techie stuff, a computer science major, played viola in orchestra, oh, and he had chops and a blue mohawk. Nerdy little me was smitten quick. So what did I do? I rushed into his room, giggled, and threw a rubber squeaky albatross at him and rushed out. (Only to sheepishly come back to ask for my bird.) A few days to a week later we were down by the dam sitting and talking, eventually with my head in his lap. And that’s when he said, “So Erini, what the fuck?” Yep. That’s how he asked me out.
Since then, well, I haven’t quite taken Sean’s approach, but I have just gone for it. I’ve made out with dudes (sober and not so much). I’ve directly asked what was going on or if they wanted to go out on a date. I’ve got to say, it does sort of freak some guys out. Which is sad. Dudes, if a girl asks you out or shows interest in you take it as a compliment and don’t think she’s trying to emasculate you. Yeah, I like being pursued too, but I’m okay initiating things.
I took my friend Adam’s phone from him and programmed in my number — this was when we first met and just after we spent some time making out. I invited Snuggles* The Musician over (which is how we started being more than friends and starting seeing each other). I’ll dance with guys, I’ll flirt with them, and I’ll make out with them. Hell, last night, I even emailed the Cute Banker and asked him out!
It may seem like I’m just jumping out there taking risk after risk. But they’re sort of calculated. I’m not completely terribly impulsive. I think about things, mull them over, talk about it, and then decide to just do it. I think about the different possibilities, decide if it’s something I want, then I go for it. The worse that can happen is he’ll say no. If he says any worse than he was definitely not worth it and I can move on very quickly.
I also need to acknowledge my support group too. I’ve got some Lovely and Awesome women who have helped me through so much of this pink fluffy brain goo crap. They aren’t the only two gals I go to, nor do I just go to women for dating advice. But the key is to have at least one person there to help you through this — and really, all other things in life.
Talk with your support group, think it over. Take a deep breath, then just go for it. It does get easier with time. Though I can’t say the butterflies and the pink fluffy brain goo gets any easier to deal with.
*Snuggles is going to get got a new name… though he still is very snuggly. New name: The Musician.
With all our ways of keeping connected, you can generally find out all sort of interesting bits about people’s lives through facebook and twitter. Recently, facebook decided to share an interesting bit of information with me. My ex is engaged.
Yep. This would be the ex. It seems everyone has one. Sean’s mine. We dated for two years, a bit off and on, during college. It was my first two years and his last two. And though I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, I think Sean was number 13, he was really the first truly serious relationship. I was only 19 when we started dating. I was smitten immediately. Something about this quirky guy with the blue mohawk and awesome chops.
Sean was my first for a few other things as well. First college relationship. First serious relationship. First love. And first *ahem*… yeah. (I did make him wait over a year… and I was his first as well…)
It was young love. Training wheels as one friend put it. It was. They say hindsight is 20/20, and I agree. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. But I couldn’t see that. I was in love. Or well, what I thought was love. Sean was really all that mattered to me in those two years. My needs came second to what I saw as his needs. Sean noticed this, and he didn’t like it. He wanted me to take care of myself. A lot of my friends didn’t see all the amazing quality that I did in Sean. A handful of them really wanted me to break up with him. My late stepmom really wanted me to break up with him. I wouldn’t have it. Yeah, we had a few breaks… but we ended back together.
Sean ultimately could never return my love. Shortly after my 21st birthday, just before I was due to leave for China, Sean ended our relationship. I was destroyed. Being able to go to China and leave the country, leave all of my problems behind — that helped in more ways that I could know. I wasn’t avoiding my issues, but it was good to be removed from them. When I came home, Sean was already in the Netherlands (where he’d be living for a year). I called on Thanksgiving, seeing if there was any way we could get back together. However, it was over. It hurt, but not as badly as I thought it would.
It’s been four years now, and Sean and I have actually been able to stay friends. We’re no where near as close as we once were — he was my best friend those two years. I do miss him some; I miss that companionship — but I’m no where near the same person I was when we were dating. I think the one thing that’s been surprising is that he’s been dating a lot. I haven’t had a boyfriend since. Sean was definitely surprised by that. He just assumed I’d be in a relationship right away. Now I find that Sean is getting married. I won’t say it doesn’t sting. I am indeed happy for him, but yeah, it does make me think about my situation. I honestly thought that I was going to be marrying him. But here I am, 25, single, yet still enjoying my life pretty damn well.
It’s hard to swallow the news, but I know there’s something great out there for me. Be it a person to share my life with, or just an amazing journey (or yes, both)… Anyway, congrats Sean & Ashley. I do wish you the best. But I also wish myself the best as I continue on my way.
I’m also going to add this for recommended additional reading from DShan: Forward Steps. There have been a lot of great bloggers openly discussing their relationships and here’s to us all as we persevere through the search and through our commitments.
Okay, so one time in college, my then boyfriend, Sean, directed this movie… and I was in it… and now it’s on YouTube.
Yep. I was the female lead in a short film fest entry called “The Louish Faith”…
and well… to save you from finding it yourselves, I’ll just post it here.
Minus my terrible acting, I still find this video hilarious… probably because my friends are in it… and well, I miss them all…
Okay one warning. Zombies and Ninjas. There. (Combination for awesomeness? I think so.)
“Lou finds himself longing for faith after his girlfriend leaves him. Despite a doubting friend he discovers Jesus, and then kills him. Then Jesus comes back as a zombie.”