introspective retrospection

Sunday night during our mall dinner, Mennogirl asked an interesting question…
What would High School Rini think of Present Day Rini?

A lot of time when I think about high school, and who I was in high school, it’s a huge sigh of relief that I’m not that person any more.  Not that there was anything absolutely terrible about high school or the person I was… I’m just happy to be who I am now.  I’m by no means perfect, but I’m pretty damn content and confident with the person I am.

In high school I ran around with a decently large group — we made a dinner reservation for 22 for our senior prom.  We pretty much were all in band and drama together, and I’m pretty sure we made up the science club as well.  I wouldn’t say that I was unpopular in high school, but where I was at the popular kids were the rich kids or the drugged-up jocks (sometimes they were one in the same).  People knew who I was, and I was just content on getting through those four years.

at QHC's Winter Sneak, probably 2002, I'm in the yellow
QHC Winter Sneak, ~2002, I’m in the yellow

High school me was fairly emotional, part of that was because I was depressed during the first part of it.  And I will admit to cutting and having suicidal thoughts… but I got through it.  I was also one of those surface level Christians, one where your image as a Christian was more important than your actual faith and beliefs.  But those were also the types of Christians I was running around with too.  Say one thing, do another… My favorites were the one who when they wanted a refill at a restaurant we frequented, they’d tap their cups on the table until the waitstaff came by.  They also rarely tipped, or at least, not very well.

Anyway.  It’s no surprise that there was drama in the drama club.  Rumors, acusations, backstabbing… those were the days… It wasn’t uncommon for someone to stir up something just because they were bored.  To minipulate others.  By senior year I was just done with it all.  I didn’t invest much into it and just decided to enjoy what I could.  I even remember saying one day at lunch that I probably wouldn’t keep in touch with anyone, but maybe two or so people, once I went to college.  My friends were “hurt” and “offended” — but it was true.  When I went up north, only one person from school visited me the entire time.  However, they would make trips south, but apparently going north was too difficult and too far despite the fact that I was the same distance away as the southern friends were.

(I will say, though, that not all of my friends were terrible people.  There were some pretty awesome people there to.  Some of which, a select handful, whom I still keep in contact with to this day.)

out on the lawn, I'm in the brown skirt
out on the lawn, I’m in the brown skirt

Goshen was a good place for me.  After four years I was (and still am) amused by how many people knew who I was, who had heard of me.  I’m actually sort of sad that it’s all over.  Yeah, I liked the classes and all, but mostly it’s just been hard to leave the people.  We joked around about community a lot at GC, but that’s really what kept me there.  I was given so many opportunities in so many areas, but really it was the fact that I was surrounded by an amazing group of people.  People who helped me grow.

I made a choice in college to not be that person I was in high school.  Not to get involved in a group like that again.  And to just be a stronger person.  I definitely believe that after those four years at GC I am indeed a stronger person.  I’m not a completely different person, but I’ve grown and evolved.  I’m associating with some rather awesome people too.

I’ve still got a lot further to go, but I’m doing pretty well.  High School Rini should be impressed.