one challenge at a time.

So this is day two of OMG ENDOMETRIOSIS IS STUPID, round…. I have no idea.

There’s not much I can do other than rest and hope that the ripping feeling goes away. Basically, my medicine is apparently not working. I don’t know whether it’s just something messed up with this batch, or if my body is just not reacting to it any more. It’s happened before. I was on a basic birth control pill and my body just got worse.

I just get to sit and wait and see what happens.

It’s been over a year since I was in the hospital. It’s been a hard year. For the most part, my medicine has helped make me feel normal. But over all, this disease has been a challenge. It’s damn near impossible to feel remotely attractive or sexy when it feels like your insides are being ripped apart. It’s hard to earn a living or keep a job when you can have a full week straight that you can barely get up let alone move around or even think of putting on anything other than a very loose fitting dress.

Today’s big challenge was grocery shopping. I wanted to head down south a few neighborhoods to save some money. But I was feeling the pain before I even got to the train station. Just past the train station is a small local grocery. But I got it in my head that I wanted to save some money. Nothing like hobbling through a grocery store, having hot flashes, on the day before Thanksgiving. The benefit of going is now I’ve got the stuff to have my own little holiday meal with the kitties. Including two little cornish game hens–no reason to do a big turkey, or pay for one, if it’s just me. Hens were cheaper, and far more amusing.

The challenges of this disease aren’t over. They might not even be over once I finally have my surgery. But it’s these small victories that remind me I can get through it. It’s knowing that so many other women, unfortunately, know exactly what I’m going through and have been there too. Complete strangers, acquaintances, close friends, and even family–these women have pushed through this too.

My brother’s girlfriend and I were talking yesterday–she had surgery for endo a week or so ago. We couldn’t believe just how many women we knew who had been going through this too. We wish we knew why. But we knew one thing: the next generation of girls in our family would never have to suffer for long. We’re just too aware of this disease to let anyone else wait like we did.

This is one reason why I’ve chosen to be so open about having endometriosis. The average time for a women to get diagnosis and receive treatment from the onset of symptoms is about 10 years. Ten years of debilitating pain. Women just think it’s bad cramps. That it’s normal. It completely baffles me. But no one talks about this. Periods are taboo subjects. Do they suck? Can they be messy? Yeah, they can. But regardless of your gender, let’s just be mature about this. I’m not asking anyone to “become uber in touch with their bodies and femininity” and save their menstrual junk to fertilize their gardens or use it in art or anything like that. Just stop acting like a sissypants. Maybe in the end, less women will have to go years and years in pain.