icing on the cupcake I’m not suppose to eat.

Last week I talked about how I’ve decided to go on a diet, despite possibly my better judgement about diet books. I still don’t like calling it a diet, because really it’s more about kickstarting a change in eating habits.

My goal of this diet is not necessarily to lose weight. My goal is to be heathy, to make better decisions for my body. And in that, eating better and being more active will in turn mean that I will lose some weight. Which is really just the bonus for feeling better all around.

Healthier lifestyle > Eating better > Lose some weight

I’ve gained weigh over the past year. I no longer walk to work. I ate like crap for a while: hello chips and dip! And I stress-ate a lot. I napped a lot. I developed some bad habits that I’d really like to kick.

And while my goal isn’t necessarily to lose weight, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about that at all. Because it’s nice to work towards something, I’m aiming at 15lbs. That’s pretty doable. Anything more is icing on the cupcake that I’m not supposed to eat.

It’s hard talking about weight. Such a person and touchy subject. I thought I might be more comfortable discussing it, but I’m not. And yes, I will say that some of this is because I don’t want particular people judging me. Stupid, I know. I’m not doing this diet for anyone else, not doing it to get a guy. I’m doing it because given my medical conditions, if I don’t start taking better care of myself now, it’ll be extremely hard to start doing so later in life.

I know I will never be a size 2—you’d probably have to shave my hip bones to accomplish that. And I’m ok with that. But if I could go back to the size I was when I was working retail all day and walking a mile to and from work every day… I’d be pretty ok with that too. I’m just making a commitment to myself to be healthier.