The D-Word: not failing and new goals

Well, my attempts at some sort of an organized “diet” plan didn’t really work out like I thought or hoped they would. But I’m still not saying that I failed. I tried something, and found out what worked and what didn’t.

With the Shred plan, I got frustrated at the fact that I felt like I was eating all the time. They may have been small meals or snacks, but the fact that they were just a couple hours a part just didn’t work with my schedule. I had a hard time getting things done at work because I was constantly thinking about when I was supposed to be eating next and what I was allowed to eat when.

So towards the last few weeks I picked up another book, recommended by Kyla Roma. I thought, “this is great! If I know how my body is reacting to foods, I’ll better know how to shape my eating!” But after sitting and reading through the book, as much as I knew it could help, the idea of food-limiting was stressing me out. I just wanted to eat what my body wanted without thinking about too many rules.

Not to mention, right around that time I started experiencing another round of endo pain. When that pain happens, “good food/bad food” is the last thing on my mind. I want comfort. I know some women swear by the endo diet, but talk about rules! No diary (I’m almost there), no caffeine (outside of chocolate, I’m there), no red meat — or for some, no meat or animal products at all, no alcohol, no gluten, no processed food, no added sugars, no soy… the list goes on. When I see lists like that, I’m just get so frustrated wonder if there’s anything I’m allowed to eat at all besides nut-products and kale.

I don’t want food to be a chore. I just want to enjoy my foods, feel good, and yes, be somewhat close to the size I was pre-medicine.

Things that I learned:

» I feel much better if I have a real breakfast. Something like egg whites with a little sea salt or an english muffin with peanut butter and bananas.

» On Wednesdays, after being out from 8am – 10pm or midnight on Mondays and Tuesdays, I don’t want to cook or fuss over food. I’ve sunken into a habit of ordering out (mainly sushi lately), but I’ve started keeping Amy’s frozen meals so I have an easier, slightly healthier simple option.

» I like snacks. Particularly salty snacks. I haven’t figured out a good alternative for this… but sometimes I can convince myself that hummus and carrots or sugar free jello will work for a snack instead, despite the lack of saltiness.

» I like the idea of juicing, but I’ve been a little intimidated by it. I don’t have time to juice in the morning, so I’m trying to get myself off the couch and juicing in the evenings. It hasn’t worked as well as I’d like, but I’ll get there. I do attempt juice on the weekend though. It just took me a little bit to actually use my new recipe book rather than just throw random fruits and veggies together.

» Weight loss takes time. No diet is going to make me magically lose a size or two over night. Or even in a couple of weeks. And the dangers of gaining back that weight and more is not something I want to deal with. So it’s just going to take small, but continual steps towards a better diet and hopefully my body will readjust itself. That, or I’ll have to buck up and get into a daily workout routine.

» Despite the slight weight gain and the ever present and annoying endo, it is indeed possible to still feel beautiful. Even though I wear dresses pretty much every day now for the last month, month and half, I’ve been dressing up a little more on Mondays. The band has a residency gig at a brew pub, and since I don’t need my cheerleading skirt, I’ve decided to dress up just a little bit or wear a new dress for the event. It’s been nice to start my week off with compliments.

New goals:

I’m reducing dairy even more. Reducing all non-fermented soy. (Aka everything but the occasional soy sauce.) Replacing some gluten with brown-rice flour options. Attempting to up my veggie intake. Try beet juice mixes. Experiment with foods. Try. Fail. Try again.

Be honest with myself. I’m only really one size larger. It’s not the end of the world. I just need to get into a habit of trying on clothes and making sure they fit properly rather than going off old size assumptions. I’ve got a booty and I’ve just got to accept it.

And in that light, get rid of the clothes that don’t fit me well and just make me all sad that they do such. Changing my mindset: I’m not getting new clothes because I feel fat, I’m getting new clothes because I deserve to feel beautiful (and comfortable).