When it comes to the whole “follow your passions” thing, I am completely impatient. I get frustrated because I know what I want, but I’m not there yet.
Yes, yes, I know. I just have to work hard and stick with it. I’ll get there. Eventually.
We seem to be inundated and bombarded with messages telling us we need to be following our passions, and that we can do anything that we want to. We see people with what seems like these glamorous lives that they’ve build for themselves. They make it seem so easy.
And then here we are, feeling completely stuck, wondering if it’s us who’s the problem holding us back from this amazing lifestyle that is beyond anything we could have dreamed of…
Honestly? We kind of are our own problem.
I’ve been holding myself back for years. And I’ve run through every single excuse there possibly is: not enough money, not enough time, I’m stressed, I’m scared, I’m depressed, I don’t want to leave Chicago, I’m not good enough, I don’t have enough experience, I don’t know where to start… I make excuse after excuse and just settle for mediocrity. I settle for just ok.
It’s time I held myself accountable. I took a good and solid first step when I enrolled at U of C’s Writer’s Studio. And I know taking this quarter off isn’t helping me right now. (Though it was the move that had to be made at that time.) But there are more steps I have to take, and need to take, if I’m going to see this through.
1) I’m finally scheduling my surgery. My health interferes too much and I need to take care of it. I’m not going to just “deal with it” because of some small chance it might come back. I’m scheduling my surgery, and I’m scheduling it before tour season starts.
2) I’m giving myself the training I need. The Writer’s Studio is to hold me accountable to practicing my craft. But I also want to get back in to, and further develop my skills in layout design. So I’m teaching myself how to format for ePub with InDesign CS6.
3) I’m going to start sketching. And not being all crazy because I’m not some amazingly talented artist that I think I should be. Or worry about not having the right sketch books or pencils or whatever.
4) I’m going to find a way to tackle and take care of certain stresses in my life. I’m tired of having my anxiety and depression be so off the wall that I’m either too zapped or too afraid to be creative. I haven’t written in 3 weeks. I should be writing daily, and I can let things hold me back any more.
It’s not going to be an easy road, but it’s one I have to take. No more bullshit holding me back. No more me holding me back.