babies on the brain

Yesterday, right before I fell asleep, I received photos from my brother of his beautiful twin girls who had just been born not long before then. I had been excited about gaining two more nieces ever since I got word they were expecting. Seeing the girls — even just in pictures — well, that just made my heart swell.

I’m in that part of life where a lot of my social feeds are full with people either getting married or having babies. And for a lot of it, it doesn’t really phase me too much. But, you know, I’m also almost 30 and while getting married and having babies aren’t things I’m obsessed with, they are things that come up from time to time.

I’m thankful my family doesn’t chide me about it, despite the fact that I’m “next in line” in the siblings to settle down. I think they’re more concerned about me settling into a career than starting a family.

I’m less concerned with the marriage part. I know it’s something I’d like, but I’m not centering my life around that happening or not. And it’s sort of because of that, that I end up thinking more about having children than I do getting married. For most people that’s the reverse order, but single parenthood isn’t something that necessarily scares me off. I know I want kids, to have my own family, and I would love for a spouse to be a part of that — but I’m not going to let the lack of that person keep me from a family.

Since sometime in my sophomore year in college, I had gotten interested in the idea of adoption. I’m one of 6 children myself, and for me, the idea of having a large family myself only made sense if I was adopting or fostering. But, though it was something I was considering, adoption has always been something I wasn’t going to force on another person or necessarily be a deal breaker.

I still want to say that this is true — that I would be ok possibly marrying a person who didn’t want to adopt. But… it’s something I’ve thought about enough now, and have given real consideration to, that I can’t see myself just giving it up. I mean, if I get married and it doesn’t happen that’s a little different than someone being adamantly against it.

Anyway. It’s something I’ve been leaning more and more towards. And it’s something I would like to have happen in my 30s — so, it’s starting to be on my mind a little bit more. I want to get established in a career so that I can financially provide for myself and a child. I want to be able to settle into a good home. I also want to feel healthier and establish some better habits.

So as I share in the joy of my brother and his girlfriend’s twin daughters, it sort of fills me with the hope that I’ll have my own kid some day. My own tiny bundle of responsibility that will bring so much happiness, frustration, and awesomeness to my life. Either with a spouse or not, or my own pregnancy or not. One day. Not today, or any time immediately soon. But one day I’ll have this too.

*Ok, as cute as babies are, the way my thinking is now is leaning more towards adopting an older young child, like 1-6 year old, not a newborn. But still, a child that will be my family.