liberation and finding my wholeness

It’s been interesting, the things going on in my mind as I approach 30.

One thing you notice as you grow up, you start seeing these phases in your social circles. Friends marrying off, seemingly all around the same time. And then the babies start coming. But yet, here you are almost on the same path you were when you first met them. Sure, things have changed… but yet, they’re settling into their lives, earning various adulting merit badges — and it can feel like you’re being left behind.

I always thought I’d join in on those clubs too. I’d find an amazing guy, have a whimsical wedding. Maybe we’d have a kid or two of our own, and maybe we’d adopt. I thought I’d have a career figured out. Be putting down roots.

Yet… I’m not there on any of it. And honestly, I don’t know if I care much any more.

My friend Brooke wrote a great piece recently about being whole, and not lacking

It felt radical. It WAS radical. I, an unmarried, childless, twenty-something woman declaring herself whole and complete, not lacking anything. How many times a day am I bombarded with the message that I am lacking? If I don’t find a husband, I will never be secure. If I never have a child, I will never know real love. I’m young, so I am unable to fully understand the world. I’m a woman, and therefore I am not as capable as a man. These are just a few of the messages women like me receive everyday from advertisements, news articles, magazines, blog posts, coworkers, our friends, family and sometimes just random strangers in the street. Yet here I was, not only declaring, but fully believing that I am whole and complete, not lacking anything.

My life is far from complete… but I can be complete without my life being so. I am not lacking.

Brooke is right. It is radical. There is no checklist to complete, no one right path. I cannot waste my life focusing on all the things I appear to be lacking. My life isn’t perfect, my journey has been marred and stained. But it is wonderful in and of its own self. Coming to accept this, to actually believe it… It’s liberating.

I will always continue to push myself further, to strive for improvement and growth and betterment. But as I approach this new decade in my life, I want to celebrate and honor being whole and complete, and not lacking anything.