Finals and funerals

The last week was very long and challenging.

Firstly, it was Finals week. The culmination of the last 3 months of studying. I felt mostly confident about each exam. However, Saturday, April 25th — a handful of days before my exams were supposed to begin — my grandfather passed away.

I had my niece with me on Friday night, we had just gotten dinner with my mom when she got a call that they were taking Grandpa to the hospital. All we knew at that time was that he had passed out after his dialysis. Mom went to the ER to see what was going on, and I took my niece back to my place.

The next morning, I checked in with my mom to see what was going on. She had let me know last night that they were keeping him over night. It was half past eleven when she finally got ahold of me. “Dad is not doing well. They are just trying to make him comfortable now.” I gathered my niece and we went over to the hospital to be with my family.

Grandpa had a major heart attack during dialysis. They didn’t really know, just thought he had a bad day and sent him home. Grandpa didn’t really want to go to the hospital anyway. Even had they gotten him to the hospital earlier, it’s unlikely the outcome would have changed.

Once I knew when the funeral was scheduled, I got ahold of the appropriate professors and rearranged my finals. It didn’t even really hit me, or sink in, until the night before the funeral, after I had finished 3 of my 4 finals. While I’ve felt sadness around this, I’ve mostly just felt this overwhelming exhaustion. I got to a certain point in my studies that I just had to not care about my exams any more and just accept whatever happens with them because I just had no more energy, emotional or mental, to expend on them any more.

I had my last final the morning after the funeral. It was the one I was most worried about. It’s the only class I wasn’t getting an A in, and I had no clue how I was going to do overall. I’m still really curious how everything’s going to turn out in that class. Final grades aren’t posted yet. I’m just hoping I was coherent on the exam. I know I filled the blue book entirely, but yeah…

I made it through the week. And I’m thankful I’ve got this week off to just decompress. It’s just still hard to believe all of this happened — that all of it happened last week.