Reasons why I’m single…

There are a lot of (mostly) well-meaning posts all over the internet about the top 3/5/7/10/14³ reasons why you’re single (even though you’re absolutely amazing and wonderful) and why that’s ok. A lot of it is to placate that overwhelming why me feeling that some people get with singleness. I’ll admit, yes, I get those too. But a lot of those articles don’t bring any soothing feelings or calmness or really make me feel better. They make me feel snarky, that’s for sure. But I don’t take comfort in them.

The truth is, they feel like BS. I’m not trying to be harsh. But really? Ugh.

Anyway. If I’m going to be honest with myself, why not put it on the internet?

I’m single because…

» I was not attracted to my last date after we met in person. And he also thought both sides of gamergate were valid.

» there was no spark with an old acquaintance, despite how much I would have like for there to be one.

» I won’t let my grandma set me up with a Baptist minister.

» I’m not attracted to a family friend who asked me out.

» I don’t currently have any plans to stay in this city, let alone this state longterm. In fact, I have absolutely no idea where I’ll end up after I finish this degree.

» I put a lot of things first, like school, work, and my health. And since I’m being honest, my self esteem was put through the wringer coming to terms with having endometriosis.

» that asshole treated me like crap.

» my last serious relationship (and, really, just my last relationship) was more about convenience and we knew it would not be long term.

» because the guy before that didn’t love me.

» because I’ve never told my college crush that I like him. (And still do.)

» because my college boyfriend and I were ultimately not a good match.

» because I’m not trying that hard. And I am not upset that I am not trying hard.

» because that’s just how it is right now.

It take 2 people to have a relationship. Even if it was something I really, really wanted — it’s just not something you can force. I mean, yeah, sure, somebody finds you attractive and wants to be with you, but that doesn’t always mean you want to be with them, or find them attractive, or that it would be a healthy relationship. (This is why all those posts put things like “you’re not going to settle.”)

I know you hear it a thousand times, but yes, I really am fine with being single. I’m broke-ish, in debt. I’ve got a meh car. I’m doing something I love. I’ve got my cats and a good apartment. Things are fine. They’re more than fine. My happiness, self-worth, family plans, and future hinge only on myself and my ability to be good to myself.

I’m single because I happen to be single. And that’s that.