Knowing when to admit defeat

I really thought I can do it. I thought I could juggle two online classes. I started out strong. I had to figure out a schedule and a system, but you know, I was chugging along.

Then I got a job. It was just a part time job, and it allowed me to do a lot of studying at my desk. Heck, I could get through a whole chapter a day. Ok, depending on the class I could get through a whole chapter in a day.

Then that job ended and I started a monotonous job that absolutely did not allow studying. Not even during lunch — well, I could have left the building and hidden somewhere, but… free food. When I got home, I was so zombied out from removing staples and scanning records all day, I just wanted to crash on the couch and sleep.

I’m writing this at just after 9pm on Friday, July 17th. Aka the last day of my Physical Anthropology course. I still have 6.5 papers to write. (And technically 5 more articles to read.) I took 4 exams in one week. I got a C on one. My first C on an exam in this degree.

I put off all my exams and all my response papers, thinking I’d have time to do them. I wanted to get through my Cultural Anthropology class first, since it had hard deadlines. But as soon as I finished that class, well, time went by quicker than I thought it would. And so many things have happened since summer term started. My grandpa died. My mom was hospitalized. I had my sister’s graduation. GGB Indy planning. The job. The new job. And of course dealing with my ever present fun-time friend: endometriosis.

My ability to manage my time and prioritize went out the window.

I’ve asked for an incomplete — a chance to finish the course by a later date. Specifically before the start of the Fall term. I’d be giving myself 5 more weeks. I’d still be working this same job, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to work out a better schedule. Plus, it’s just the papers I have left, so I feel like that would be manageable. If the professor decides not to grant me this request — which given that I made it with only hours left before the class finishes — well, then I’ll have to take it again in the fall. On campus, this time. Which means I’ll need to drop my other (advanced) physical anthropology course, since I won’t meet the prerequisite. I’ll also probably be dropping one of my history courses — the online one. Because taking a full class load, plus working part time… I know for sure that I would not be able to give that class the amount of attention it would need.

I’m disappointed that it’s come to this. I expected better from myself. Especially given what failing this course will do to my GPA (still above a 3.0, but there goes my latin honors…) But, at the same time, I can cut myself some slack because holy wow this has been a hell of a summer. I could desperately use a vacation from it.

Anyway. Fingers crossed I can get the Incomplete to finish the course work… And that I can finally feel some rest.