Grumpy AF

So I hinted at this in my last post, but yeah, I’m maybe not adjusting as well as I would have hoped to having roommates.

A few days ago, I thought I’d try maybe writing down any grievances or annoyances I had, hoping that maybe once I named them I could deal with them logically. I could see that these really aren’t big issues and nothing worth causing drama over. However, the list keeps growing and that’s causing concern.

They really are small things. But they’re adding up. Leaving lights on when they leave rooms. Kitchen cabinets left open. Putting virtually clean dishes in the dishwasher. Running out of things like mugs and spoons and the small plates. Leaving (caffeinated*) coffee grounds in the filter basket. Clutter on public spaces like the dining and coffee tables, as well as the kitchen and bathroom counters. I count no less than 6 pairs of shoes in the living room right now.

Any one or even two of those things alone, and I think I could handle it. But it’s all of these things every single day. (And sadly, this is only the 4th day with all three of us here.) There’s also the giant elephant in the room that is my anxiety. My surgery is in one week from today and while I feel like I’m not really emotional about it — I’m 100% on edge and that’s showing up in all of this. It’s manifesting itself as irritability and sadly, my roommates are taking the brunt of it.

I want to be able to take a deep breath and move on, but I found myself this morning slamming cabinet doors shut and aggressively throwing out yesterday’s used coffee grounds. And pulling out a plate from the dish washer that was only used for a cupcake in a wrapper to sit on. Sigh. I really am trying. But thanks to my health, I spend all day every day in this apartment. Now that I’m sharing it with two other people (who are a decade younger and have their own concerns which don’t really line up with mine), it’s been hard.

I know I can’t just hold this in because that list is only going to get longer and longer. I’m hoping to just pick a couple to address with them — the clutter, the dishes, and leaving things on/open — and then hopefully it’ll allow me to be able to properly deal with the other small frustrations without actually having them feel like giant frustrations. It’s essentially spoon theory: I only have so many spoons each day, and if I use them all up on the small things, I can’t use them on the things I really need them for. Fingers crossed this all goes well, because I’m really struggling guys — and it’s a shame because these actually aren’t terrible roommates.

*My body does not handle caffeine well — pretty much only low doses in chocolates or some teas, and I still can’t consume all I want of those. I don’t get headaches or jittery, either. It causes immense ripping pain in my abdomen. It’s sent me to the ER before. So I don’t risk it.